Old Flame, Old Habits
by EGB Fan
Summary: Chip and Dale's old flame, Clarice, returns to pursue her career in show business... and, apparently, Dale. Foxglove won't like that! At the same time, Fat Cat develops a sudden interest in the theatre, and the Rescue Rangers begin to wonder just how closely events are connected.
1. Chapter 1

_Chip and Dale__'__s Rescue Rangers: _**Old Flame, Old Habits**

Chapter 1

'Maybe he's just going to the bathroom or something,' said Dale, who was thoroughly bored of tracking Mepps from the air. The villainous alley cat seemed to be walking all over the city without any aim at all, except to sniff around the odd rural area.

'Don't be stupid, Dale,' said Chip. 'He wouldn't come all the way out here for that.'

'Cats like their privacy,' said Dale. 'Oh, now look - he's going into the woods. We'll lose him. Might as well go home.'

'Actually,' said Gadget, 'I think he's stopping.'

All five of the Rescue Rangers peered down through the trees, but they couldn't see much, as it was dark and the foliage was thick. Chip decided to manoeuvre the Ranger Wing between the branches and land on a relatively tree-free patch of ground. Mepps, who was sniffing around a semicircle of cedar trees, couldn't fail to hear them. He looked up as the Rangers all alighted from their craft.

'Oh no,' he said. 'What are _you_ doing here?'

'That should be obvious to you, Mepps,' said Chip. 'We're following you. Now, the real question is, what are _you_ doing here?'

'Nothing,' said Mepps. 'Leave me alone.'

'Maybe he _is_ going to the bathroom,' said Monty.

Mepps frowned at him. 'I am not! I'm just checking things.'

'What things?' demanded Chip.

'I don't have to tell you,' said Mepps. 'You can't do anything to me. Doesn't it bother you that I'm a cat? I could tear you all to pieces, you know.' He said this with a distinct lack of conviction.

'We're not going to get anything out of him, Chipper,' said Monty. 'Might I suggest we start searching the place?'

'Good idea, Monterey,' said Chip, and they did.

Zipper and Chip made a thorough search of the trees, while Monty and Gadget stuck to the low ground. Dale yawned, thought of his bed at home and then took off after Mepps when he saw that he was leaving.

'Hey, Mepps!' he called. 'You done here?'

'Never you mind,' said Mepps.

'Say,' Dale went on, 'you weren't being a decoy or something, were ya?'

'A what?'

'You know, a distraction to get us out of the way while Fat Cat does something.'

'I'm not telling you,' said Mepps, and with that, he turned and slunk off. Dale turned too, in the opposite direction, found Chip halfway up a tree and voiced his decoy idea.

'Well, why didn't you think of that before?' said Chip.

'Why didn't _you_?' said Dale.

'I don't know! Well… there doesn't seem to be anything here, or not yet, anyway. Maybe we should head back and see if Fat Cat's up to something.'

'Aww, do we have to? We've been at this for hours!'

'Of course we have! We're Rescue Rangers. This is what we do. Is there any reason why you're so keen to get home? Do you have plans with Foxglove and that horrible friend of hers, or something?'

'Who?'

'You know,' said Chip. 'Linny or Libby or whatever her name is.'

'It's Liddy,' said Dale, 'and she's not horrible. She's just, she, she, she takes some getting used to, that's all.'

'Oh yeah? Are _you_ used to her?'

'Well, not yet, but…'

'Come on, we'd better go.' Chip ran down the tree trunk and called, 'Gadget! Monterey! Zipper! If no one's found anything, we're going.'

Once they were all back in the Ranger Wing, Chip explained that they were going to check on Fat Cat, as it had occurred to Dale that Mepps might have been a decoy.

'Wish you'd thought of that sooner, pally,' said Monty.

Dale scowled. 'I'm the only one who thought of it _at all_.'

'That's true,' said Gadget. 'We all should have thought of that, really. Oh well, it's too late now. And if Fat Cat _has_ been up to something, I'm sure we can deal with it.'

A visit to the Happy Tom cat food factory showed that Fat Cat was doing nothing more sinister than reading the newspaper, and a look-in at Sergeant Spinelli's office turned up no crimes for which the notorious feline might have been responsible. After that, the Rangers went home at last.

'Mepps could still have been acting as a decoy,' said Chip, as they filed through their mailbox front door, 'or he could really have been up to something. Either way, we'll have to keep a close eye on Fat Cat. I call first in the bathroom!'

Dale came out of his fatigued stupor long enough to race Chip to the bathroom, but didn't manage to beat him. He wasn't particularly sorry. At least he had seen a little of the old, pre-Rescue Rangers Chip, as he sometimes did, and that was always nice. He decided to go straight to bed, and was about to do so when there came a knock at the door. Dale went to answer it.

'Holy cow!' he said, slamming the door in the visitor's face.

'Dale!' said Gadget.

Dale blinked a few times, pulled the door open again and said, 'Hi, sorry, come in. Wow. I wasn't expecting -'

'Hi yourself!' said a voluptuous female chipmunk, flinging her arms around Dale's neck. 'Oh my gosh, it's so good to see you! Is Chip here too?'

'Uh… yeah,' said Dale, making no move to free himself from the woman's embrace until he heard the bathroom door opening. Then he prised himself away and said, 'I'll get him. Chip!' He ran on all fours towards the bathroom. 'Chipper!'

'What?' called Chip, who had been about to settle down for a few hours' sleep.

'Clarice is here,' said Dale.

'Who?' said Chip.

'Clarice.'

'No she's not.'

'I think you'll find she is,' said Dale.

Monty, Gadget and Zipper could hear every word of this. They exchanged a puzzled look, and then all turned towards Clarice and smiled at her. She smiled weakly back, clearly feeling awkward about the whole situation.

'What are you…?' Chip came stalking into the room, frowning at Dale. Then he did a double-take when he saw their visitor. 'Clarice! Uh… hi!'

'Hi!' Clarice glided towards him and embraced him as tightly as she had Dale, or perhaps even more so. 'Oh, it's been _ages_! How _are_ you?'

'Good,' said Chip. 'Great. Oh! Okay,' as Clarice made so bold as to squeeze his tail, eliciting a slight frown from Dale. 'So what are you… what brings you…?'

'Well, I'm in town,' said Clarice, leaning back from Chip and rubbing both of his arms as she spoke, 'so _obviously_ I came to see you guys. I thought maybe you'd offer me a drink and let me tell you all about it.'

'Absolutely,' said Dale, taking hold of Clarice's elbow and gently pulling her away from Chip. 'But first let's introduce you to our friends.'

'Oh, right!' said Chip. 'Clarice, this is Monty, Zipper and… and…'

'Gadget,' said Dale.

'Gadget! Right. Wowser.' Chip slapped a hand to his forehead and tried to gather his wits. 'So… come on, I'll get you something to drink. Are you coming, guys?'

'I think we'd better stay out here, Chipper,' said Monty. 'Give you three a chance to catch up.'

'Oh,' said Chip. 'Okay. Come on, Clarice.'

He shepherded her through to the kitchen. Dale did not follow them immediately, but stared after them while Monty, Gadget and Zipper looked enquiringly at him.

'This is so weird,' he said. 'I haven't thought about her in forever!'

'No need to ask who she is,' said Monty. 'Someone from a long time ago who's had a lasting effect on both of you.'

'I'll say,' said Gadget. 'Golly, Dale, I've never seen anything like it!'

Dale snapped out of his reverie and looked at her. 'You haven't?'

'Hadn't you better get in there?' said Monty, to nods of agreement from Zipper.

'Oh.' Dale glanced towards the kitchen. 'Yeah, I guess so.'

He went into the kitchen, and the other three Rangers dispersed. They caught up on a couple of hours' sleep, then continued to leave the three chipmunks to themselves for another hour or so. Then, after what they all seemed to think was a decent interval, they began to gravitate towards the kitchen, from which was coming a stream of high-pitched, very fast and incomprehensible chatter.

'Maybe we should leave them a little longer,' said Gadget.

'They've had long enough, love,' said Monty. 'Besides, it's getting on for lunchtime.'

They found the trio sitting round the table, collapsing with laughter and struggling not to spill their drinks out of their thimbles. Monty, Gadget and Zipper all experienced an odd feeling as they looked upon the scene. Here was a glimpse into a part of their two close friends' lives that they themselves would never really understand.

'Oh, hi!' said Clarice. 'Good, now I can meet you properly. Chip and Dale have told me all about you. So, Rescue Rangers, huh? That sounds… exciting.'

'It sure is,' said Monty. 'And worthwhile too. I'm glad I bumped into these two.'

'Me too,' said Gadget.

'_Me too_!' buzzed Zipper.

'It's nice that these guys have moved on since I last saw them,' said Clarice. 'I wasn't expecting it, somehow. Silly, really. I guess we've all changed since then.'

'Clarice left to pursue the stage,' said Chip. 'And now she's back to… well…'

'Pursue the stage,' said Dale.

'I certainly am,' said Clarice. 'I've been pretty successful on the small circuit, so now I'm back here with some experience under my belt. No more singing in seedy nightclubs for me, giving weirdoes their kicks! Oh… no offence, guys.'

'I should hope not, Clarice,' said Dale. 'After all, you invited us there yourself.'

'Yeah, that was fun,' said Clarice, with a giggle. Then, to the Zipper and the two mice, she said, 'These guys sometimes used to sing with me, you know.'

'That doesn't surprise me,' said Gadget. 'Sometimes they sing on cases.'

'Only if we have to,' said Chip.

'Really?' said Clarice. 'Well, that's great! I was thinking of asking if you wanted to get back together. We could be a trio of singing chipmunks.'

'Well, _that__'__s_ original,' Dale said with a laugh.

'But it is!' said Clarice. 'There's a gap in the market wide open for a mixed gender trio. With our vocal blend, we could take the concept to a whole new level. But I guess you're busy with your crime solving and everything.'

'I'm afraid so, Clarice,' said Chip. 'We were never serious about singing and stuff anyway, but we _are_ serious about this.'

'Oh yes?' Clarice looked at Dale, rested her chin in her hand and leaned towards him. 'Are _you_ serious about this, Dale?'

'Of course,' he said.

'Anyway,' said Chip, 'his girlfriend wouldn't like it if he went off to be a singer.'

Clarice slid away from Dale a little. Monty and Zipper exchanged a wearied look. Dale scowled.

'She's not my girlfriend,' he said. 'She's my, uh… hang gilding buddy.'

'Hang gliding?' Clarice's apparent interest in this took everyone by surprise. 'You do that, Dale?'

'Um… sometimes.'

'You mean you attach yourself to a kind of kite thing and jump off stuff?'

'Yeah,' said Dale. 'That's pretty much it.'

'And you _don__'__t_ do that?' Clarice turned to look at Chip, but stayed close to Dale.

'No,' said Chip. 'I have better things to do.'

'I'm sure you do,' said Clarice. She turned back to Dale. 'It would be fun if the three of us did sing together again, though. Just once, for old times' sake.'

'Well golly,' said Gadget, 'I'd sort of like to hear that.'

'So would I,' said Monty.

Zipper indicated that he was in agreement.

'We don't want to disappoint them, Chipper,' said Dale.

'Well,' said Chip, 'I'll think about it.'

'It can't be now, anyway,' said Clarice. 'I really have to be going - I've an important meeting to get to. I didn't tell you guys, did I? I got picked up by an agent after a performance the other day.'

'Wow, that's great!' said Dale.

'Yeah, it is,' said Chip. 'Congratulations. Where were you performing?'

'Oh,' said Clarice, 'some club. That's why I didn't invite you. It… well, it just wasn't a very nice place. I guess I sort of put off coming to see you until I had something to show for myself.'

'You didn't have to do that,' said Chip.

'Maybe not,' said Clarice, 'but I did it anyway. But listen, I'll want you to come and see me perform as soon as I get something good, okay? And bring your friends.'

'Count on it,' said Dale.

'Aww, you're the greatest,' said Clarice, smiling sweetly and batting her eyelashes. Then she got to her feet and gave Dale, who was still sitting, the most enormous hug. She wrapped her arms around his head and pressed her chest up against his ears. No one quite knew what to do with themselves, least of all Dale.

'Well,' said Gadget, 'good luck, Clarice. I hope you find something soon.'

'Oh, she will,' said Chip. 'She's _really _talented.'

It was obvious to everyone that Chip was hoping for a hug like Dale's, but he didn't get one. Instead Clarice put her hand on Dale's shoulder and said, 'Will you see me out, Dale?'

'Um.' Dale looked at Chip, then at Clarice. 'Okay.'

He stood up and escorted Clarice out of the room, looking utterly bewildered, while Chip stayed in his seat and glared after them.

'Old habits die hard, I guess,' said Monty. 'Are you all right, Chipper?'

'I just don't understand it,' said Chip. 'She never… like that…'

'No one looks more surprised than Dale,' said Gadget. 'Golly, all the girls are after him, aren't they?'

'Seems so,' said Monty. 'It's funny. When that Clarice first got here, she seemed more interested in you, Chip.'

'Actually,' said Gadget, 'I thought so too.'

'So did I!' said Chip. 'But then after all that, I thought I must have been imagining it. Oh, look, Casanova's back. I'm sure Foxglove would be very sorry to learn that she's only your hang gliding buddy.'

'Chip,' said Dale. 'Are we _really_ going to start fighting over Clarice again?'

'Oh, I guess not.' All at once, Chip snapped out of it. 'We have to decide what we're going to do about Fat Cat. We definitely need to keep an eye on where Mepps was. We should fly out and look at the place every day.'

'Every _day_?' said Dale. 'Well, that sounds like a big fat waste of time.'

'We'd better do it anyway, Dale,' said Gadget. 'Just in case.'

Five days later, the place Mepps had been sent to hadn't changed a bit, and Fat Cat himself was still engrossed in the newspapers. He really seemed to be doing nothing at all besides reading, and running his casino as normal. Clarice had been quiet too, but nobody thought much of that. They assumed she was busy with this agent of hers, if they thought about her at all.

'Fat Cat's behaving very well, isn't he?' said Chip, as the Rangers re-entered their headquarters after a day of fruitless surveillance. '_Too_ well, in fact. He's definitely up to something.'

'But he's not doing whatever it is right now because he knows we're watching him,' said Dale. 'Mepps would have told him we followed him.'

'So what are you saying?' asked Chip. 'We should just leave him to it?'

'I'm sure Dale isn't saying _that_, Chip,' said Gadget. 'But maybe it wouldn't hurt to take the heat off for a few days.'

'Sounds good to me, Chipper,' said Monty. 'We can look for other cases, and if Fat Cat starts doing anything in the meantime, we can deal with it then.'

Chip saw the sense in this idea, and had to agree. The Rangers then went about their own business for a while, and met up again for their evening meal at half past six. When Dale entered the kitchen, he was clutching a piece of paper.

'Hey, Chip,' he said, handing the paper to his friend. 'Did you get one of these?'

Chip glanced at the piece of paper, and at once his face fell into a scowl.

'No,' he said.

'Oh!' Dale snatched the paper back, as though hoping to take back the action of giving the thing to Chip in the first place.

'What is it?' Monty crossed the room, took the sheet from Dale and read it out loud. ' "Dear Dale. Meet me tonight. Love, Clarice." Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Crikey, that's a lot of kisses, Dale.'

'Why would you think she'd send one to Chip as well?' asked Gadget.

'Because that's what happened the last time I got a note like this,' said Dale. 'She, uh… used to do stuff like that.'

'Did she now?' said Monty. 'Well, that sounds like a nasty little game.'

'I'll just bet she's grown up a lot since then,' said Gadget. 'Well, she's only sent one note this time, anyway. It's not very specific, is it?' She took the note from Monty and looked at it. 'It doesn't say _where_ she wants you to meet her, Dale.'

'I guess she wants me to go to where she's staying,' said Dale.

'How do you know where she's staying?' asked Chip.

'She told me when I saw her out the other day.'

'She _what_?'

Dale looked taken aback. 'It's no big deal, Chipper. She just… happened to mention it. I… I'm sure she didn't mean…'

'Oh, don't mind me, Dale,' said Chip, his tone softening. 'I'm just being jealous 'cos I don't have a note.'

'Oh.'

'Are you going to go?' said Monty.

'I guess.' Dale took the note back from Gadget and stared at it. 'It'd be rude not to. She's an old friend.'

'She _clearly_ wants to be more than friends, Dale,' said Chip.

'Maybe not,' said Dale. 'Well, I guess I'll find out later. When exactly does "tonight" start, anyway?'

'I said it wasn't specific enough,' said Gadget.

'I'd go right now if I were you, pally,' said Monty. 'I should say that dinnertime officially qualifies as tonight.'

'Oh,' said Dale. 'Well… I guess I'll see you guys later, then.'

'Aren't you going to dress up?' asked Chip.

'As what?'

'As a respectable member of society. Last time you went to meet Clarice, you put on something nice.'

'Oh,' said Dale. 'Well, I don't think I will this time. I don't want to give her the wrong idea.'

'What wrong idea?' said Chip. 'You mean you're not…?'

'Oh, I don't _know_!'

With that, Dale dropped Clarice's note and fled from the room.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chip and Dale__'__s Rescue Rangers: _**Old Flame, Old Habits**

Chapter 2

While Monty, Gadget and Zipper were all thinking of going to bed, Chip began to wonder whether he wanted to wait up for Dale. Before he had made up his mind about this, Dale came home.

'Hi, Dale,' said Gadget. 'We weren't expecting you back yet.'

'Not much of a date, was it?' said Monty.

'Oh, it wasn't a date,' said Dale.

'So why did Clarice want to see you?' asked Chip.

'She wanted me to go with her to an audition for some musical. You know, for moral support. So I did. She got the part. She wants us all to go see it on opening night, but that won't be for a few weeks.'

'A few _weeks_?' said Chip. 'That doesn't give the actors much time to rehearse.'

'It doesn't?' said Dale.

'No. Rehearsals for these things are supposed to go on for months.'

'Oh. Well, it's only a _little_ production, and everyone seems real keen to get started.'

'So,' said Gadget, 'I guess this means there was no reason for you guys to get so worked up about Clarice.'

'I guess not,' said Chip. 'Although I _could_ wonder why she didn't want any moral support from me.'

'She probably thought you had better things to do,' said Dale, and suddenly Chip felt angry again about the whole thing.

'I think there's something you're not telling me,' he said.

'Yeah, well,' said Dale, 'I don't have to tell you everything.'

Having said this, he went to bed, leaving Chip to fume and the other three Rangers to feel awkward. They were silent for a long time. Then finally, Gadget said, 'Golly, Chip, maybe you guys just need to sit down and talk about your feelings.'

'Maybe Dale just needs to tell me what's going on,' said Chip. 'If he _was_ getting… you know… involved with Clarice, I could live with that.'

'Really?' said Monty. 'You could have fooled me, mate.'

'Like you said, Monterey,' said Chip, 'old habits die hard. You're right, Gadget - I'll go and have a good talk to Dale about it right now.'

Chip went, and found Dale settling down for the night on his bunk. Chip sat down on the bottom bunk, and said, 'I'm sorry I've been ratty about this whole thing, Dale. It was just weird, seeing her again, and then finding out she preferred you was… well, it was a surprise.'

'She doesn't prefer me,' said Dale. 'She just wanted me to go to this audition.'

'Is that all it was? An audition? Because if it wasn't, I'd be okay with that.'

'Oh no, that's definitely all it was. I don't feel that way about her anymore, Chip.'

Chip, having come to realise that he didn't really feel 'that way' about Clarice anymore either, decided to be sensible and forget the whole thing. After all, if he didn't feel that way and Dale didn't feel that way, there was no reason for anybody to get upset, so Chip awoke the next morning in the best of spirits. His mood soon began to sour, however, when Dale developed a habit of sneaking off around lunchtime and then refusing to tell anybody where he'd been.

'Where do you _go_?' Chip demanded, more than once, when Dale got home just in time for dinner.

'Nowhere,' Dale would say.

'Well,' Chip said, after about the fifteenth time, when they were all eating round the table, 'you're going to have to stop going "nowhere" and start remembering that you're a Rescue Ranger. Monterey and I have been checking up on Fat Cat every now and then while Gadget and Zipper were at the police station.'

'Oh,' said Dale. 'Did you find anything out?'

'Fat Cat doesn't seem to be doing anything,' said Monty. 'He sends those minions of his out occasionally, but all they come back with are the day's papers.'

'Don't forget, Monterey,' said Chip, 'it's only been three of them. We haven't seen any sign of Snout since before we followed Mepps to that forest.'

Dale opened his mouth to speak, but didn't. Then he changed his mind, and said, 'It's not unusual for Snout to be missing. Fat Cat doesn't use him all the time.'

'Well,' said Chip, 'we're not worrying about him for now. I want to try and find out what's in the papers that Fat Cat's finding so interesting. Maybe it'll tell us if he's planning a robbery or something. So we're staking out his casino tomorrow night.'

'Tomorrow?' said Dale. 'Well, I guess I can do tomorrow.'

'You _will_ do tomorrow,' Chip said, 'especially if the only other place you might have to be is "nowhere". Anyway, it has to be tomorrow, because the night after that we're going out.'

'We are?' said Dale.

'To Clarice's show,' said Gadget. 'She invited us a few days ago.'

'You'd know that if you were ever here,' said Chip.

'It should be a fun night,' said Monty. 'Have you ever seen _Calamity Jane_, Dale?'

'No,' said Dale, looking down at his plate and playing with his food.

'You do surprise me, mate, all the movies you've seen.'

'I haven't seen it either,' said Gadget. 'I guess musical westerns aren't really my thing. That is, I wouldn't think of watching one if I hadn't been invited. I'm not saying I don't want to go or anything. I'll be very interested to see Clarice perform.'

'See what all the fuss is about, eh, love?' said Monty.

Dale remained quiet for the rest of the evening, and then went to bed early, saying that he was tired.

'That's another thing,' Chip said to Monty and Zipper, when Dale had gone and Gadget had disappeared to her workshop. 'Why is he so tired all of a sudden?'

'I guess it's whatever he's been doing in the afternoons,' said Monty.

Chip frowned. 'Yeah, that's what I thought.'

'Don't worry about it, Chipper. Just watch a bit of telly with me and Zipper, and then tomorrow we'll all enjoy a nice stakeout together, all right?'

Monty's promise of a stakeout was fulfilled, although not everyone considered it 'nice'. Chip seemed content to watch the door of Fat Cat's casino from the Ranger Wing, parked under the water tower on the factory roof, all day. The others, however, began to tire of it after no one had been in or out for several hours.

'How long are we going to have to sit here?' Dale asked at length.

'Until something happens,' said Chip.

'Nothing's going to happen!' said Dale. 'Right now I could be…'

'What?'

'Nothing.'

Several minutes passed. Then suddenly Chip sat up a little, and broke the silence by saying, 'Everybody shush! Look, Mepps and Wart have brought up some newspapers. Zipper, go after them.'

Dale sat up and took notice as Zipper left his seat and shot off after Fat Cat's two henchmen, who were indeed struggling under the burden of two or three broadsheet newspapers. All too soon, however, they went through the door in the chest of the golden cat and were out of sight. The only thing to do now was wait for Zipper to return, hopefully with some information, and perhaps even a page or a cutting.

'Shouldn't you be getting your sleep, Dale?'

The voice came from above. The four Rangers looked up in surprise, and saw that Foxglove and her friend Liddy were hanging from a narrow bar above them. It was Liddy who had spoken.

'Hi, you two,' said Dale.

'Hi, cutie,' said Foxglove.

'Why should Dale be getting his sleep?' asked Chip.

'For tomorrow night,' said Liddy, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

'Tomorrow night?' said Chip, turning round in his seat to look at Dale. 'You can't go and do bat stuff tomorrow night, Dale. We're going to Clarice's show, remember?'

Dale looked uncomfortable.

'_Clarice__'__s_ show?' said Liddy. 'Wait… didn't you tell them, Dale? No way - you freak! Why would you not tell them?'

'Tell us what?' asked Gadget.

'He's in it,' said Liddy. 'That's right, isn't it, Dale? Clarice's show is _your_ show.'

'Well,' said Dale, 'I wouldn't call it _my_ show. It's not a very big part.'

'So that's where you've been sneaking off to,' said Gadget.

'Yeah,' said Dale.

'Why on earth didn't you tell us, mate?' asked Monty.

'It wasn't because of anything to do with me, was it?' asked Chip. 'Look, if you're in this show with Clarice… well, that's just swell. I mean, if you really think that's the best use of your time…'

'Oh, there, you see?' said Dale. 'I _knew_ you'd be like this.'

'I'm not being like anything,' said Chip. 'So… how on earth did _that_ happen?'

'I really don't know,' said Dale. 'I went with Clarice to the audition, because she said she wanted moral support, just like I told you. Then she persuaded me to audition as well, and I was given a part. That's all.'

'That's all, huh?' said Chip. 'Well, now I _really _wonder why Clarice asked you and not me.'

'Do you want to be in the show, Chip?' asked Foxglove.

'Not really,' said Chip. 'It's just… kind of weird that she asked Dale to do that.'

'I'll say it is,' said Liddy. 'Just who _is_ this Clarice person, anyway? Is she going to be upsetting my girl? Do I need to kick her butt?'

'Liddy…' said Foxglove.

'Hush, Foxglove,' said Liddy, placing a wing gently over Foxglove's mouth. 'Come on, Dale, answer the question.'

'She's an old friend of mine and Chip's,' said Dale.

'What kind of old friend?'

'Well, if you really want to know, Chip and I were both desperately in love with her.'

'And now?' said Liddy.

'And _now_,' said Dale, 'she and I are appearing in a production of _Calamity Jane _together.' There was a note of incredulity to his voice as he said this.

'And that's all?'

'Is this any of your business, Liddy?' asked Chip.

'That's all,' said Dale, before Liddy could start getting angry.

'I can't wait to see it, Dale,' said Foxglove. 'I bet you're a wonderful actor.'

'Probably not really,' said Dale, 'but I do think it's a good part for me. The rest of the cast is fantastic - I really think you'll enjoy the show. The girl playing Calamity is really good.'

'You mean Clarice?' asked Liddy.

'No,' said Dale. 'Clarice isn't the lead, but she does have a big part, and she's great too. As a performer,' he added, catching the look Liddy was shooting down at him. 'I don't know _why_ she was talking about getting up a trio of singing chipmunks - she can do way better than that.'

'Oh, she's a chipmunk?' said Liddy.

'Yes,' said Chip. 'So what?'

'No, nothing, I just, I didn't think you guys were into that.'

No one quite knew what to say to this. Then at last Gadget said, 'Well golly, Dale, I'm _really_ looking forward to the show now. These things are always ten times more enjoyable if your friends are in them.'

'I just know you'll be terrific, Dale,' said Foxglove. 'I've been looking forward to watching you for weeks.'

'Really?' said Chip. 'Dale invited you _weeks_ ago?'

'Don't be like that, Chipper,' said Dale. 'I just thought you might be weird about it.'

'And you were,' said Liddy.

'Sounds like Zipper's coming,' said Foxglove. 'I was wondering what had happened to him. Liddy, remember -'

'Not to eat him, I know.'

'Good work, Zipper!' said Chip, as Zipper flew back to the Ranger Wing carrying a rolled up sheet of newspaper. 'Did anyone see you?'

Zipper shook his head.

'Even carrying that thing?' said Liddy. 'They must be pretty stupid.'

'We'd better be going, Liddy,' said Foxglove. 'But we'll see you all tomorrow night at the show, I guess.'

'You bet, love,' said Monty. 'We'll all sit together - make a real party of it.'

Chip shot him a dirty look.

'Bye, cutie,' said Foxglove.

'Bye, Foxy,' said Dale.

She and Liddy took off. Dale watched them go, sure that Liddy was already beginning to voice all kinds of opinions and advice on Clarice's return and how Foxglove should feel about it.

'Hold this,' said Chip, and Dale found himself struggling under the awkward bulk of the rolled up sheet of newspaper. As Chip started up the Ranger Wing, Gadget turned round and helped Dale, Monty and Zipper to fold the newspaper down to a manageable size.

There was no attempt to take the double page inside headquarters. It would have taken up the living room at least, so instead the Rangers laid it out on the ground and weighed down the corners with Dale, Gadget, Monty and the Ranger Wing. It was a cool summer's night, with nowhere near enough breeze to blow the paper away, but quite enough to be inconvenient. Chip walked over the page, examining it carefully in the light from the Ranger Wing's headlamp, while Zipper hovered above him.

'So,' said Chip, 'we have the horoscopes, half an arson story and a page of snooty theatre reviews.'

'Not to mention what's on the other side,' said Dale.

Chip frowned, annoyed that he hadn't thought of that first. Then he looked at Zipper. 'Are you _sure_ you don't know which part Fat Cat was interested in?'

Zipper shook his head, spreading his hands apologetically. As he had told Monty in the Ranger Wing, Fat Cat had taken out the double page, read something for a few minutes and then discarded it when someone came to tell him a fight had broken out in the casino.

'All right,' said Chip, 'so we need to try and get another one of his papers and see which parts match up. Dale and Monterey, I want you to get off your corners, and we'll help you flip the paper over.'

This feat was accomplished without too much effort, thanks chiefly to Zipper and his powers of flight.

'A sale on wedding dresses?' said Monty. 'How can they put this before arson?'

'I doubt Fat Cat wants a wedding dress,' said Chip. 'And if he did, a human-sized one wouldn't be much good to him. So… we'd better try and look at the other page.'

He thought this would have to involve moving the Ranger Wing, but then Zipper grabbed the folded edge of the paper and lifted it just enough for his friends (bar Gadget, who was still on her corner) to see what was on the other side. The page contained a few advertisements, and a trashy column about finding love in the city.

'Fat Cat could have been looking at _any_ of this,' said Chip. 'Well, almost. It probably wasn't any of the girly stuff. Could it have been the reviews? Why is everyone obsessed with the theatre all of a sudden?'

'All right,' said Dale, 'I guess now is the time to mention it. You know that place where we followed Mepps to a few weeks ago?'

'Of course,' said Chip. 'What about it?'

'That's where we're doing the show.'

'_What_?'

'Don't go nuts - it's not a big deal.'

'It _is_ a big deal!' said Chip. 'If you're sure you've got this right. It hadn't changed at all when I checked on it… oh. That was five days ago, wasn't it?'

'It took some guys a day and a half to set it up,' said Dale. 'It looks real nice. I've been there rehearsing almost every day since they built it, and there's been no sign of Fat Cat or any of his gang. If there was, I'd have mentioned it.'

'So,' said Monty, 'what does this mean? Fat Cat's developed a sudden interest in the theatre? What does that tell us?'

'Maybe he just wants to take in a show,' said Dale. 'Everyone needs to relax once in a while.'

'Chip,' said Gadget. 'Can I move the Ranger Wing now?'

'Just a minute, Gadget,' said Chip. 'Let's try and fold this thing up and put it somewhere safe. We might need to look at it again.'

Folding the newspaper up was a harder task than unfolding it had been, but they managed it eventually. Then Gadget and Monty stuffed the paper into the Ranger Wing and flew it up to headquarters. Zipper, Chip and Dale made their own way up the tree, the two chipmunks bickering as they went.

'You should have told us,' said Chip. 'This could be really important.'

'But nothing's _happened_,' said Dale, 'and the place doesn't smell of any animal except rodents. Anyway, you're all going to be there on opening night.'

'Oh, right,' said Chip, as they made their way inside. 'It's only opening night, isn't it? I didn't even think about that. So just how much is your showbiz career going to keep you away from us, Dale? Is it one of those eight shows a week things?'

'No,' said Dale. 'It's two nights and one afternoon a week for six weeks, and I'll have to go to a few more rehearsals and meetings and stuff, just sometimes. No one knows yet if it's going to carry on after that, but if it does, I won't stay with it.'

'I guess Clarice will want it to carry on.'

'Oh, I'm sure she'll be able to find something else. I mean, she's still… you know…'

'Yeah, she is.'

They held each other's gaze for a few seconds, smiling impishly. Then Gadget and Monty came in and broke the moment, Gadget saying, 'We stuffed it into the hole where you guys like to put your nuts. I hope that's okay.'

'That's fine, Gadget,' said Chip. 'We won't get the urge to start storing food at least until Dale's show finishes.'

'Why is it _my_ show all of a sudden?' asked Dale. 'You're going to see Clarice.'

'_I__'__m_ not,' said Gadget. 'I don't even really know Clarice, but I know you.'

'Same here,' said Monty.

'_And here_!' Zipper buzzed.

'I'm starting to feel a little nauseous,' said Dale.

'Are you nervous?' asked Monty. 'That's not like you, pally.'

'Clarice says nerves are a good thing because they mean you care about what you're doing,' said Dale. 'I was just doing it for fun - I didn't know I cared that much.'

Chip put his arm around Dale, and said to the others, 'I'd say he was hoping to impress someone.'

'Who?' asked Dale.

'I'm not sure. One of these girls who keep showing up and falling in love with you, I guess. Maybe all of them.'

'Don't exaggerate, Chipper,' said Monty. 'You mean both, at the most. Unless you think Liddy's fallen in love with him too.'

'She hasn't,' said Dale, 'and Clarice isn't in love with me either. She just thought it'd be fun if I acted in _Calamity Jane_ with her.'

'I think there's more to it than that, Dale,' said Monty.

'Well,' said Dale, 'so do I, actually. I just can't quite figure it out.'

'You know what, Dale?' said Gadget. 'Liddy was right - you need your sleep. What time do you have to get up in the morning?'

'I have to be at the theatre by two thirty.'

'Go to bed now,' Gadget said, 'and I'll wake you at ten. That way you'll get your eight hours.'

'Okay, Gadget,' said Dale, in a faraway voice, and he went.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chip and Dale__'__s Rescue Rangers: _**Old Flame, Old Habits**

Chapter 3

When Gadget went to wake Dale, she thought he probably hadn't managed to get much sleep, but didn't ask him about it. He ate a light breakfast, and then Monty prepared a large lunch to keep him going through whatever he was going to do at the theatre between half past two and six o'clock, when the show would start. Monty supposed the cast would be allowed something to eat shortly before the performance, but he gave Dale a double portion of his famous cheese chowder, just in case.

'How do you feel now, Dale?' asked Gadget, when everyone had finished eating.

'Not nervous,' said Dale. 'Well, kind of nervous, but not really.'

'Sounds right to me,' said Gadget. 'Well then, good -'

She was cut off as Dale dived across the table and clamped a hand over her mouth. She stared at him, wide-eyed, and he stared right back at her with a look of alarm.

'Sorry, Gadget,' he said. 'But please, don't anybody say that to me.'

Gadget took hold of Dale's wrist, gently prised his hand away and said, 'Sorry, Dale. I mean, break a leg.'

'Thank you.'

The remaining four Rangers went for one more snoop around the roof of the Happy Tom cat food factory, then made their way to the theatre in the Ranger Wing. The place certainly looked different from when Mepps had been sniffing around. Apart from anything else, there was still plenty of daylight, which everyone expected to hold out until the end of the show; but in case too much of it became obscured by the trees, there were candles set up around the place.

There was no raised stage. Instead the ground within the semicircle of oak trees had been flattened and smoothed out, and the area around it dressed with props and scenery evocative of the wild west. The orchestra was standing on a bandstand to one side of the stage. A set of tiered seats had been constructed from Barbie furniture, and in front of these were sets of chairs and circular tables. None of the chairs faced away from the stage, and all of the tables either had a 'reserved' sign on them or were occupied by members of the audience. At once Chip knew that he did not want to be sitting down there. A moment later, he saw that Foxglove was waving from one of the tables, and then suddenly Liddy was beside him.

'We have our instructions,' she said. 'Dale wants you over where Foxglove is.'

Monty, Gadget and Zipper headed for the table, and Chip lagged behind them. He might not have gone with them at all, if not for his desire to avoid any kind of argument with Liddy. A squirrel was handing out programmes en route, so Chip took one and glanced at it. Dale was billed fifth, and Clarice third, after Calamity Jane and Wild Bill Hickok.

'Hi, Foxglove,' said Gadget, as Foxglove stood up to make way for them. 'Oh, don't let us take your seats.'

'That's okay, Gadget,' said Foxglove. 'We were just holding them for you.'

Moments later, she and Liddy were hanging from a low branch a little above the Rangers' heads. Chip, Gadget and Monty were seated at one side of the table, and Zipper on top of it.

'So,' said Monty, 'looks like this is going to be an interactive sort of thing.'

'I hate shows that force the audience to take part,' said Chip.

'Dale said not to worry - you won't have to do anything,' said Foxglove. 'But he also said the people sitting up here have to be good sports. Especially the men.'

'Oh, great,' said Chip. 'What the heck are they going to do?'

The reserved tables began to fill with small mammals dressed as cowboys, and everyone soon realised that these people were extras. Minutes passed, and then these new arrivals began to shush the audience while a crudely made stagecoach was wheeled onstage. The orchestra started to play, and the water vole playing Calamity Jane began her rendition of 'The Deadwood Stage'. Those looking out for Dale noticed that he was one of the passengers inside the stagecoach. When they arrived in Deadwood and the song moved into Henry Miller's bar, Dale wandered around in a tweed jacket and bowler hat, looking lost and trying to catch the attention of the proprietor.

Monty was at once able to work out which character Dale was playing, due to his knowledge both of the show and of his friend. Here, then, was a difference to the Doris Day movie. In that, Dale's character had stayed in the stagecoach and been robbed by Indians. Monty knew that the Sioux tribe in the film had been much demonised, and suspected that this aspect of the show would be played down in the rodent production, along with the somewhat dated attitudes towards women.

Dale wandered off during the musical number, and then made his first real appearance a short time later, after the male and female lead had discussed a few things. He ran onstage after the mouse playing Henry 'Millie' Miller, carrying a trunk and saying pathetically, 'Mr Miller, please, nobody pays any attention to me!'

'Why should they?' the mouse said irritably.

'Well, Mr Miller, sir, you're expecting me. I'm Francis Friar.'

Millie's response to this was a comedic look of shock, followed by insistence that he was expecting an actress of that name. He pointed out a poster decorated with the image of a voluptuous female figure, and the words, '_Miss Frances Friar_'.

'Oh,' said Dale, looking at the poster with a modest smile. 'Well, that's me.'

Millie fired Francis Friar, panicked, rehired him and told him to hide in the office. A short time later, Millie came onstage and announced Miss Frances Friar to the excited group of extras in his bar. He had to announce her twice, due clearly to a great many reservations on Friar's part, even though the joke had already been given away. He even had to go and give Friar a push, and when Dale lurched onstage wearing a dress and long auburn wig, the audience and extras whooped and cheered and clapped.

The orchestra started up a jaunty little tune, and Dale began to sing a song called 'Hive Full of Honey', pitching his voice a little higher than was natural. At first he was terrified, or rather his character was. Then he started to get into his stride, and Monty knew that this was a different interpretation to that in the film. Where Dick Wesson had fought off the advances of his spectators with his comically unfeminine strength, Dale's Friar seemed to enjoy the attention he was getting, and danced around the tables flirting with extras and audience members alike. The men were caressed and wiggled at, while the women were treated to snide looks and dismissive gestures. One of these was directed towards Foxglove and Liddy, both of whom seemed to find it hilarious, and one towards a mildly amused Gadget.

Chip, meanwhile, knew that his turn was surely coming, and he was right. Dale meandered over to the Rangers' table, grabbed Chip's face in both hands and sang directly to him.

'_If you__'__re the one I adore__…_'

He began to step back, sliding his fingers along the length of Chip's jaw line.

'_Come on and get it before,_

'_Somebody shakes it down from the tree__…_'

He executed a suggestive shimmy in Chip's direction, then turned round and wiggled his posterior at him. These moves were perhaps a little anachronistic in a show set in the wild west, but the audience seemed to enjoy the routine anyway.

'_Oh! I__'__ve got a hive full of honey,_

'_For the right kind of honey bee._'

The character was really enjoying himself by this time, and as he began a repeat of the first verse, he parked himself in the lap of one of the extras. This extra then helped him accidentally lose his wig, and the whole bar was suddenly in uproar. Above the Rangers' heads, Foxglove was giggling away while Liddy shouted, in gleeful tones, 'Booooo! Get him off! We wanted skirt!'

Through all of this Chip, who had no knowledge of the show, was wondering when Clarice would show up. Then, after Dale had been booed offstage and scampered up a tree, Calamity restored order by promising to bring the famous and much admired Adelaid Adams to Deadwood to sing in his stead. Chip knew from his copy of the programme that Clarice's character was called Katie Brown, billed far above Adelaid Adams, but at least this advance in the plot seemed likely to bring her a little closer.

Dale came down from his hiding place to grab Millie's elbow and say, 'Mr Miller! Adelaid Adams is in Chicago - she wouldn't be caught dead in this town!'

Katie Brown turned out to be Adelaid Adams's maid, whom Calamity mistook for the star herself. Katie didn't correct her, seeing her opportunity to take a shot at being an actress and singer. Back in Deadwood, after intermission, Dale's character recognised Katie but didn't tell anyone who she was. Just before her performance, he began an attempt to tell Millie, but finished up with, 'Oh, what does it matter if she is or she isn't? She's got to be! Because if she isn't… I'll have two fast horses waiting at the stage entrance.'

'I'm not going anywhere!' Millie called after him, as he ran off.

Hitherto Chip had been irritated by the frequent mention of horses, as it wasn't clear whether or not the actors were playing human characters. Clearly the script had been written for humans, yet these actors were doing things like running on all fours and threatening each other with their teeth, and Dale was making use of the trees. Such things went out of Chip's mind, however, when Clarice came on in a skimpy costume to perform 'Keep It Under Your Hat'.

Before she got right down to it, she had to mess up her first attempt and confess to not being Adelaid Adams, which led to a certain amount of conflict and dialogue. Then Katie was allowed to perform anyway so, like Dale, Clarice embarked on a suggestive dance routine involving male members of the audience. She focused mainly upon those wearing hats, which put Chip right in the running, and for a brief moment during the instrumental section of the song, Clarice was on his lap. She took off his fedora, pushed it onto his muzzle and then went dancing off to someone else.

Now that she had arrived, Clarice had a great deal to do, while Dale only showed up occasionally to make the odd comment. At one point, he and Clarice performed a song together in Millie's theatre, if only to show that Dale's character had a reason still to be in Deadwood. It was an extended version of 'It's Harry I'm Planning to Marry', a more succinct form of which had been sung in Chicago. Clarice did most of the singing whilst swooning over Dale, occasionally caressing him and, once, squeezing his bicep. Chip, despite his certainty that he didn't feel 'that way' anymore, found this rather difficult to watch. He had the impression that Clarice had choreographed a lot of the routine herself, perhaps on that very night, and without consulting Dale about it.

After the show, Dale and Clarice went together to look for their guests. Foxglove cannoned into Dale as soon as she saw him, flinging her wings around him and almost knocking him off his feet.

'That was _so_ amazing!' she said. 'You're really talented!'

'Thanks,' said Dale.

'Yeah, you were pretty good, Dale,' said Liddy.'That was a frighteningly convincing female impersonation.'

As Gadget, Monty and Zipper offered their praise and congratulations to Dale, Chip noticed that Clarice was looking put out. He went over to her and said, 'You were incredible, Clarice. You _owned_ that stage!'

'Thank you, Chip,' said Clarice. 'I thought it went well. Good show, Dale.'

'Likewise, Clarice,' said Dale. 'So… one down, seventeen to go, I guess.'

'So _you__'__re_ Clarice,' said Liddy, plastering on a false smile. 'You were very good too, honey. Who knows? If you keep at it, maybe someday you'll be cast in a lead role.'

'Sweetie,' said Clarice. 'Aren't you going to introduce me to your bat friends?'

Dale took a moment to realise she was talking to him. Then he said, 'Oh, sorry. This is Foxglove and Liddy. Foxglove and Liddy, Clarice.'

'I really enjoyed your performance, Clarice,' said Foxglove. 'You were great.'

'Thank you, dear,' said Clarice. 'It's nothing, really. Just a good old-fashioned combination of talent and hard work. Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I promised my agent and I'd go and tell him how opening night went.'

'At this time?' said Chip. 'It's very late for a business meeting.'

'Why isn't he here, anyway?' asked Dale.

'Obviously he's busy,' said Clarice. 'Now, I have to go. Bye, boys.'

With that she gave Chip and Dale both a squeeze on the tail, and they looked uncomfortable. Then she turned and wandered off, in a seemingly random direction.

'Bye, Clarice!' Liddy called after her, in syrupy tones. Then she turned to Dale, and said, 'Is there anything you want to tell us, _sweetie_?'

'No,' said Dale.

'I really thought she was good,' said Foxglove. 'And she's so pretty!'

Liddy gave a derisive snort. 'Please. Anyone can look pretty with the right makeup and enough self-confidence, and she sure has plenty of both. Personally, I thought her performance came over as arrogant. She thinks way too much of herself.'

'Well,' said Gadget, 'I liked it. I thought the cast were all great, including Clarice.'

'You and her sounded really good together, Dale,' said Monty.

'Her singing was way too shrill,' said Liddy. 'She should be more considerate towards animals with sensitive ears.'

'That's how chipmunks sing,' said Chip.

'Are you still hung up on her, Chip?' Liddy asked. 'Maybe you should ask her out. I'm sure Dale won't have any problem with that - will you, Dale?'

'I'm not very interested in what Clarice does,' said Dale, to everyone's surprise. 'She was never really that interested in either of us. She just liked watching us fight over her. Don't look at me like that, Chip - you know it's the truth.'

'Well,' said Monty, 'now that's out in the open, I have to say, that's the impression I've been getting. But there's no need to get upset about it now, boys - it's all in the past, and you're still friends. Real pals don't let a woman come between them.'

'Oh no, we did,' said Dale. 'Only she ducked.'

Liddy seemed to find this hilarious, and it got a chuckle from everyone else, except for Chip. He turned to Dale, and said, 'Do you have to tell everyone that story?'

'I didn't know I did,' said Dale. 'Anyway, what are we still doing here talking about this? The show's over, so now I can go home and watch television.'

'Golly, Dale, aren't you tired?' asked Gadget.

'Nope,' said Dale. 'I'll probably be up all night. I don't suppose you girls'd like to come and keep me company?' He turned to the two bats.

'Gosh, Dale,' said Liddy, 'that's awful nice of you, but tonight I'm cataloguing all my lipsticks by colour and cross-referencing them by occasion, so you see I can't _possibly_ put that off for one minute. But Foxglove's free, aren't you, sweetie?'

'Yes,' said Foxglove.

'Good girl.' Liddy hugged Foxglove, said something in her ear, thanked everyone for a lovely evening and then flew off into the night.

The next morning, Chip entered the living room to find Dale and Foxglove both asleep in front of the television. Foxglove was upside-down, with her head close to the ground and her legs resting against the back of the sofa. Dale was curled up against one of the arms, and the television was still on. Chip turned it off, and shook Dale awake.

'Ummm… wha…'

'I'm always telling you not to fall asleep with the TV on,' said Chip.

'Why?' said Dale, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 'It's not like we have to pay an electricity bill or anything.'

'Get up. We're going to try and get a look at some more of Fat Cat's newspapers.'

'I can't, Chipper. I have to go to this feedback thing.'

'Oh, _do _you? I _knew_ this stupid play thing would stop you from working!'

'Why do you care?' said Dale. 'You don't value my contribution anyway.'

'Of course I do,' said Chip. 'Don't get crabby with me. Anyway, if you've got to go then you've got to go.' He glanced at Foxglove. 'Is she going to sleep all day?'

'I guess. I'd better leave her a note.'

The Rangers ate a quick breakfast, then Dale wrote his note, and everyone left headquarters at the same time. Dale ran off through the trees, and shortly afterwards, Chip saw him and Clarice from the Ranger Wing. They were leaving a tulip tree that, Chip remembered suddenly, had once been a favourite haunt of Clarice's. He supposed he could have guessed that she was staying there, if he'd bothered to think about it, but he still thought it would have been nice to be told.

Once the Ranger Wing had touched down on the roof of the Happy Tom factory, Chip refocused his mind on the task at hand. It was decided that they should send Zipper in again, as he was the least likely to be spotted, so Monty opened the door to the golden cat for him and he zipped inside. Moments later he came back out again, carrying a large booklet of some sort and buzzing something incomprehensible.

'He says Snout's the only one keeping an eye on the place,' said Monty.

'Snout?' said Chip. 'How unusual.'

As soon as he had said this, Snout came careening out of the door and said, 'Hey, give that back, you little pest!'

'Not so fast, mate.' Monty held Snout back while Chip and Gadget examined the booklet Zipper had brought.

'This is a programme for a human amateur production of _The Tempest_,' said Chip. 'Why do you have this, Snout?'

'Fat Cat's thinking of going to see it,' said Snout.

'Is that why he had that page of theatre reviews?' asked Chip. 'He's been planning to take in a show?'

'Golly,' said Gadget, 'he started looking at those weeks ago. You'd think he'd have picked something and gone by now.'

'That's an excellent point, Gadget,' said Chip. 'I don't believe Fat Cat's looking at these purely for his pleasure. I'm going inside to take a closer look.'

Monty continued to restrain Snout while Chip entered the golden cat. Zipper followed him, but Gadget decided to stay outside. She went to the side of the building and looked out over the edge, thinking that someone should watch for Fat Cat's return. Within minutes, she was proven right. Fat Cat sauntered into the building ahead of Mepps, Wart and Mole, all three struggling under the weight of a mass of fabric. Gadget entered the golden cat, where she found Chip and Zipper in Fat Cat's office, with papers of various shapes and sizes spread out all over the floor.

'Golly, Chip,' said Gadget. 'Did you have to make such a mess? Fat Cat's coming back.'

'Oh,' said Chip. 'Well, it's probably better if he doesn't find out I've been looking at these. Will you help us clean up?'

'Sure,' said Gadget, bending to the task. 'What is all this?'

'It's absolutely anything to do with the theatre,' said Chip. 'Programmes, listings, reviews, singing lessons, acting lessons, talent agencies, open auditions… I _knew_ Mepps being at that theatre was something to worry about!'

'It's looking that way, isn't it?' said Gadget. 'I wonder what it's all about.'

'We should go there, as soon as we've cleaned this stuff up. That _is_ where Dale's gone to get his feedback, isn't it?'

'I assume so. But Fat Cat's not there, is he? He's on his way up here. Golly, Chip, I can't see us cleaning all this up before he gets here.'

'Never mind,' said Chip. 'It can't hurt to ask him outright what he's up to. But you and Zipper can leave, if you want to.'

'No, I'll stay,' said Gadget. Zipper buzzed his agreement.

'What's this?' said Fat Cat, stalking into his office, his three accompanying henchmen carrying their fabric burden behind him. 'Rescue Rangers looking at my press clippings? Surely a healthy interest in the arts can't be considered a crime.'

'We know you're up to something, Fat Cat,' said Chip, 'and you're going to tell us what it is!'

'Am I?' said Fat Cat. 'I wonder why I'd decide to do that. Mole, Mepps, Wart! See the Rescue Rangers out, if you please.'

'I don't think they're all here, boss,' said Wart.

'Very observant, Wart,' said Fat Cat. 'Well, the other chipmunk is accounted for…'

'What do you know about Dale and his show?' demanded Chip.

'I know it's the most insufferable nonsense,' said Fat Cat. 'As if Wild Bill Hickok sang songs! As for your peculiar little friend, I know he likes singing as a woman, and quite frankly that's all I _want_ to know. But what about the other one? Well, if he isn't in here, he won't have to be shown out. Now then, where's Snout, I wonder?'

'He's outside with Monterey Jack,' said Chip, thinking it best to avoid complications. 'What exactly is his part in all this, Fat Cat? First he wasn't with you, and now he's here on his own reading about _The Tempest_.'

'Come along now, you three,' said Fat Cat. 'I gave you an order.'

Mepps, Mole and Wart all stepped forward.

'Come on, let's go,' said Chip. 'I'd rather not be manhandled out of here.'

'Oh, we weren't going to do that,' said Mole. 'We were going to take you down to the factory and put you into cat food. Is that what you want us to do, boss?'

'Now, Mole,' said Fat Cat, 'you know that never works, and besides, they're not about to thwart any of my schemes. But perhaps we'll can them another time.'

He smiled at the three Rangers, showing his teeth. Chip and Gadget obeyed their instincts to turn and run, and Zipper flew after them, but he didn't follow them all the way out. He stayed at the door to listen, but all he heard was, 'Mepps, go outside and be sure that all of them leave, won't you?'

Zipper decided to fly off before Mepps had a chance to discover him. He met Snout on the way out, carrying his programme. Joining his friends out on the roof, Zipper asked, '_What now_?'

'We'd better go and find Dale,' said Chip, 'and tell him what we've found out.'

'Which is…?' said Monty.

'That Fat Cat's definitely up to something,' said Chip, 'and it almost certainly has to do with Dale's show. Other than that… I just don't know.'


	4. Chapter 4

_Chip and Dale__'__s Rescue Rangers: _**Old Flame, Old Habits**

Chapter 4

Dale found the feedback session to be slow moving, and rather unproductive. He was keen to identify any kinks in the first performance, but sitting in a circle and taking turns to talk whilst holding a pebble was not his idea of a morning well spent. On the plus side, his feedback from fellow cast members was generally positive. It seemed that everyone had enjoyed his performance, and his female impersonation was particularly popular. Only one real issue with him came up during the session, and it was from the mouth of the actor who played Millie.

'Where are you from, Dale?' he asked.

'Here,' said Dale.

'Well then, use your real voice. Don't use that weird accent you always put on.'

Dale stared at him for a moment, bewildered. Then he said, 'This is how I talk.'

Though he had gone to the meeting prepared to take criticism, he was shaken by this exchange. He'd had no idea that his voice might sound in any way strange. After the session, he walked away contemplating this, and Clarice was quick to take advantage of his unusually solemn state. She followed Dale a short way, via the trees, then dropped down in front of him and said, 'I think you have a wonderful voice.'

'Thank you,' said Dale. 'But it's not like I ever plan on acting again after this, except for cases, so I guess I'd better not worry about it too much.'

'It could have been worse,' said Clarice. 'Theatre critics can be very harsh.'

'Yeah? Taken your share of criticism, have you?'

'You could say that. I've been called all kinds of things. Throwback to the fifties; pathetic Monroe wannabe; the Chipettes' less talented older sister…'

'Wow, that's tough,' said Dale. 'And totally untrue. What do critics know, anyway? Everyone says they're just wannabe actors and singers who couldn't make it.'

'Only actors and singers with bad reviews say that.'

'Yeah, well, they have every right. It takes guts to put yourself out there.'

As he spoke, Dale put his arm around Clarice, moved by her hangdog expression. He was about to remind her that her feedback from the group circle had been overwhelmingly positive, when once again she reached down and squeezed his tail.

'You're really sweet, Dale,' she said.

'Oh, well, I… I was just trying to… to…'

'Cheer me up? I know, honey. But let me show you what would _really _cheer me up.'

The next few seconds were a blur to Dale. At the end of them he found himself pushed up against a jutting tree root, and Clarice was sniffing him and squeezing him like never before. For a moment, Dale was stunned. Then he began to object, but Clarice silenced him by kissing him. Finally, he was able to grab her wrists and push her away.

'Clarice!' he said, leaning as far back against the tree root as possible, and holding her at arms' length. 'I'm saying no.'

'You're saying _no_?' said Clarice. She stepped back, so that he let go of her wrists, and glared at him. 'What are you saying no for?'

'Because I don't feel that way about you anymore. I'm sorry.'

'This doesn't make any sense. I never, in a million years, thought that _you_ would turn me down. What is the _matter_ with you?'

'That was all such a long time ago,' said Dale.

'So? _You_ haven't changed.'

'Of course I have.'

'Well, you seem the same to me,' said Clarice. 'I guess I just thought you still liked me. Obviously I made a mistake.' She turned and began to walk away.

'Clarice, wait,' said Dale.

She stopped, and turned to face him. Dale wasn't sure what else to say. Finally he settled on, 'What about Chip?'

Clarice snorted. 'What _about_ Chip? I barely even recognise the guy!'

'Well, you couldn't expect us both to be exactly the same,' said Dale. 'Is that what you wanted? To see us fighting over you again? And then you settled on me because I reminded you of the old days?'

'Well… yes,' said Clarice. 'I guess that's about it. Gosh, Dale, it sounds terrible when you put it like that.'

'You were always terrible, Clarice,' said Dale, not unkindly, and she gave him a weak smile. 'But look… what does this mean? Aren't you happy? What about the show? What about this agent of yours? You should be looking forward, not back. Everyone loved you last night. You've worked for this your whole life, and now it's paying off.'

'Not _everyone_ loved me,' said Clarice. 'What about that bat friend of yours?'

'Who, Liddy? You don't want to listen to her. She has lots of crazy opinions, and she was determined not to like you anyway.'

'Determined not to like me?Why?'

'Never mind. Look, Clarice… I will always be your friend, and so will Chip. And if you ever need us to help you with anything, we will. Okay?'

'Oh, Dale,' said Clarice. 'You're nice, but you can't help me.'

'Of course I can,' said Dale. 'I mean, _we_ can. We help everyone. Are you in some kind of trouble? If you are, you have to tell me!'

'I have to go. I'm supposed to tell my agent how this morning went.'

With that, Clarice turned and fled before Dale could stop her. He stared for a good two minutes at the spot where she had stood, thinking frantically. He didn't know what sort of trouble Clarice was in, but he knew more or less what he had to do about it. He had to tell the other Rangers, and then they had to help her.

At the end of these two minutes, Dale was surprised to see the Ranger Wing landing a short way in front of him.

By the time the Rangers were walking - or flying - through their front door, all five of them had the same information. Chip and Dale both looked sick with worry. Then, as soon as Dale caught sight of the sofa, he said, 'Oh, Foxglove's gone.'

'So,' said Gadget, 'Clarice is in some kind of trouble that she wouldn't tell Dale about, and Fat Cat knows about their show and is clearly planning something. Do we think the two things are connected?'

'It's a distinct possibility, love,' said Monty.

'She left me a cryptic note,' said Dale.

'Who?' asked Monty.

'Foxglove.'

Dale was standing by the sofa, holding his own note to Foxglove that explained where he'd gone, and frowning at the other side of the paper.

'What does it say?' asked Gadget.

' "Thanks for letting me know, cutie'," Dale read. ' "Anyone who doesn't say you were fabulous must be a nut. You're the greatest actor and singer ever, and you know I think you're wonderful. I'm sorry I…' Then it stops.'

'Golly,' said Gadget, 'I wonder what _that_ means.'

'I guess it doesn't really matter,' said Chip. 'It's only Foxglove - she says weird things sometimes. Unless she's in league with the bad guys again.'

Dale frowned. 'Of course she's not.'

'Just a thought, Dale.'

'Let's have lunch,' said Monty.

'Good idea, Monty,' said Gadget. 'We'll never figure all this out on empty stomachs. Come on, guys - not eating anything won't do you any good.'

'I wasn't planning on not eating anything,' said Dale.

Monty cooked up something quick and easy, and they discussed their next move round the table, or rather they tried to. It was impossible to come to any definite decision. Gadget, Monty and Zipper all expressed concern for Dale's upcoming second performance, which would take place on the afternoon after next, while Chip and Dale could only focus on their determination to help Clarice. They kept bringing the conversation back round to how they could get her secret out of her.

'That's if she really _has_ a secret,' said Monty, 'and she's not just playing games.'

Chip and Dale both glared at him. Then Dale's expression cleared, and he said, 'Y'know, Chipper, he has a point.'

'Whatever,' said Chip. 'I'll wash, Dale, if you dry. And try not to break anything.'

When Chip and Dale were in position at the sink, Gadget came up behind them and gave them each a one-armed hug.

'You guys are really sweet to care so much about Clarice,' she said. 'I'm really glad I'm on your team.'

'So are we, Gadget,' said Chip.

'Right,' said Dale. 'And you know, Gadget, we care just as much about you as we ever have about her.'

'Aww, you guys are the greatest.'

Gadget squeezed them both on the shoulder, then left them to it. The two chipmunks exchanged a loaded look before starting on the dishes. Then there came a knock at the door, and a moment later Gadget came back in, saying, 'Dale, visitors.'

'You will _not_ believe this!'

Liddy's voice cut right through them, and Dale dropped the dish he was holding. Chip muttered curses under his breath, and stooped to clean up the mess. Dale turned to face his visitors. He expected to see Foxglove with Liddy, which he did, but he could not have predicted the contrast in their demeanours. Foxglove was downcast and clearly on edge, whereas Liddy was beaming all over her face.

'What won't I believe?' asked Dale.

'Clarice!' said Liddy. 'She's actually evil!'

Chip stood up abruptly, and hit his head on the edge of the sink. 'Ow! _What_?'

'See,' said Liddy, 'Foxglove and I were flying around, and we happened to come across Clarice, and then we happened to notice that she went into that Lucky Dick plant food factory, or whatever it is.'

'The Happy Tom cat food factory?' said Gadget. Monty and Zipper were both behind her by this point, eager to hear what was going on.

'Whatever,' said Liddy. 'The point is, Clarice went in there. You've been watching that place for crime, haven't you? Your arch-nemesis lives there or something.'

'Hang on a minute,' said Chip. 'Let me see if I've got this right. You two were flying around, in the middle of the day, and you just happened to pick up Clarice on your bat radar thing _and_ recognise her _and_ see… um… hear where she went?'

'Hey,' said Liddy. 'Don't start getting all up in my face, man.'

'Dale,' said Foxglove. 'We've been stalking you.'

No one had expected this. The announcement was greeted with a stunned silence.

'Foxglove!' Liddy said at length. 'You don't _tell_ the guy that!'

'I'm sorry, Liddy,' Foxglove said pathetically. 'I had to.'

'Oh, for the love of Pete,' said Liddy. 'All right, look.' She put a wing around Foxglove's shoulders, and fixed the open-mouthed Dale with a steady look. 'Dale, it was all my idea, okay? I'm a total bunny boiler. I made her do it, and I mean I actually _made_ her do it. She didn't even want to. Only she didn't tell me that.'

'I just want to be a good friend,' said Foxglove.

'So do I!' Liddy turned Foxglove towards her and took her into a full embrace. 'Listen, sweetie, you don't have to do everything I tell you. Do you understand that?'

'I guess,' said Foxglove, who was nearly in tears by this point. 'I'm so sorry, Dale.'

'It's all right, Foxy,' said Dale.

Foxglove and Liddy both stared at him in amazement.

'Really?' said Foxglove.

'Well,' said Liddy, 'that's the best any man has ever reacted to being stalked by me.'

'Can I please use your bathroom?' Foxglove asked quietly.

'Of course you can use their bathroom,' said Liddy, and she passed her friend into the hands of Gadget, who put her arm around Foxglove and led her off. Then Liddy turned to Dale, looking suddenly panicked, and said, 'Oh my gosh! I swear, I had no idea she was so messed up! It's like she's scared of me or something!'

'She's not messed up,' said Dale.

'No, you're right, she's not messed up. Sorry. You know me and my crazy opinions, Dale - I'm always saying the wrong thing.'

Dale looked uncomfortable.

'Anyway,' Liddy went on, 'I want to help her. I really do. I'm just not used to having friends because… well, never mind why. Anyway, you've known her longer than I have, so just… can you tell me if I'm doing the right things with her?'

'Oh.' Dale seemed surprised by this. 'Yeah, you're doing great. Well, apart from stalking me, but we all make mistakes. She just needs you to be supportive. Y'know, her previous experience with what she called friends isn't that great. But I guess she's told you all about that, huh?'

'Yeah, she has,' said Liddy. 'Okay, well… thanks. Now shush - she's coming back.'

Gadget brought Foxglove back into the kitchen, and Liddy put her wing around her once again.

'Okay,' said Chip, 'if we've all quite finished baring our souls… what exactly have we found out here? I don't get why you two were following Clarice in the first place.'

'Because we _had_ been following Dale,' said Liddy, 'and when Clarice ran off and left him, she'd just very much implied that she was in some kind of trouble, so I suggested we find out what. There was no need to watch Dale anymore, and I thought following Clarice might help. Did you think so too, Foxglove, or were you just saying that?'

'I don't know,' Foxglove said miserably. Dale crossed the room and gave her a hug.

'Can we please stay focused?' said Chip. 'So, Clarice went into the factory. That doesn't prove she's evil. She doesn't know anything about Fat Cat.'

'I listened through the window and everything,' said Liddy. 'She was talking to some guy about that stupid thing you had to go to, Dale - saying how much everybody liked her acting and her singing and her hot chipmunk buns and all that stuff. She wasn't saying anything useful. So… doesn't this mean this Fat Cat person, or whoever it was, is actually her agent?'

'You really _did_ pay attention, didn't you?' said Dale. 'Well, I guess he is, if she was telling me the truth about going to see her agent.'

'Well,' said Liddy, 'she sure talked to him like he was an agent.'

'None of this means she's evil, love,' said Monty. 'Just misguided.'

'Yeah, I guess,' said Liddy. 'It was just wishful thinking, I guess. Mind you, we know Dale definitely doesn't feel that way about her now, don't we?'

'How do we know that?' asked Chip.

'Chip, please,' said Dale, still hugging Foxglove, who didn't seem to have cheered up at all. 'Focus. Who was she talking to, Liddy? What kind of animal was it?'

'I couldn't see him clearly,' said Liddy. 'I could only hear him.'

'It would have been either a cat, a mole or a lizard,' said Gadget. 'Oh! Or Snout!'

'A rat,' Dale said to Liddy. 'That makes sense. I said myself that the theatre only smelt of rodents, didn't I? Okay, so that's clear. Now what do we do about it?'

'I still think she's evil,' said Liddy. 'She knows she's in trouble, and she wouldn't tell you, Dale. She probably knows she's working with your enemy.'

'Why would she do that?' asked Monty. 'She's a manipulative, attention seeking little tease, fine, but that's a long way from deliberately teaming up with Fat Cat.'

'Fat Cat and his gang have been collecting all that theatre stuff,' said Gadget. 'That must be to do with making Clarice believe Snout's a real agent.'

'A real agent in a cat food factory?' said Liddy. 'Well, if she's really _that_ stupid…'

'All right, so we've figured _some_ of this out,' said Chip. 'Now we have two questions to answer. What exactly is Fat Cat up to, and what can we do about it?'

'The first thing we should do is talk to Clarice,' said Dale. 'If we just explain to her about Fat Cat, surely she'll stop seeing Snout - assuming we're right about him - and then we can deal with it without her getting caught in the crossfire.'

'I don't know, Dale,' said Liddy. 'I heard her talking to him, and she sounded really keen to carry on with him. He did actually find her a part, don't forget.'

'All right,' said Monty, 'enough chit-chat. Let's get on and _do_ something. First things first. You boys need to find Clarice and get her to fill in the gaps.'

The rest of the day was spent in searching for Clarice, but she was nowhere to be found. The following morning, Dale took Zipper along to a run-through of the show, so that he could fly home with whatever information they got out of her there. But she didn't turn up. Dale went straight to the director.

'Steve,' he said. 'Where's Clarice?'

'She sent a message with her agent to say she's sick,' said Steve. 'Her understudy will be filling in for her today.'

'Is Clarice's agent here?'

'No, he left a few minutes ago.'

'Figures,' said Dale. 'What about tomorrow's performance? Is Alice doing that, or can we expect Clarice back?'

'Darling,' said Steve, 'I really don't know. But listen, I'd prefer any budding romances to wait until after we're no longer working together, all right?'

Zipper flew off with the news, and Dale stayed to rehearse the show. He found it hard to concentrate at first, but then managed to focus his energies on Alice (also a chipmunk) when he saw that she needed a lot of support and encouragement, which she didn't seem to be getting from Steve and the other actors. It was bad of them to be so impatient with her, Dale thought, especially as the situation was beyond her control. The understudies just hadn't been given many opportunities to rehearse.

Dale ate lunch with the rest of the cast, and took the opportunity to enquire casually whether anyone knew any more about where Clarice was. No one did, so he went home and found the place empty. A note penned by Gadget told him that they were out looking for Clarice. Dale supposed that if she was really unwell, she'd be in her tulip tree. He went there to look, not knowing that Chip had learnt she was living there, but he didn't find her. He came to the conclusion that she wasn't ill at all, but just avoiding them. He voiced this opinion when his friends came home in the early evening.

'She's got to show up some time,' said Chip, 'either at Fat Cat's or at one of your shows, Dale. But what about the performance tomorrow? Should we go to that, or should we try the factory again first?'

'The factory,' said Dale. 'What's really going to happen during the first act if you're not there?'

Dale had to be at the theatre at eleven o'clock the next morning. He ate an early lunch with most of the cast and stagehands, but a few were missing, including Clarice. After the meal, the actors started to get into their costumes, going over their lines and singing scales, and things of that nature. Clarice didn't arrive, but nor did Alice. Eventually, when most of the audience was seated, Dale went to find Steve.

'Who's playing Katie today?' he asked.

'Clarice,' said Steve. 'She's going to be a little late, but she should be here any moment. If she doesn't make it… we'll have to use one of the extras, I guess, if I can't track Alice down in the next twenty minutes. Or maybe an extra could step in as Francis. You'd make a convincing enough Katie.'

'Are you being serious?'

'I don't know. Hopefully we won't have to find out, because if we do, Clarice is off the cast list! Oh… Dale, since I've got you, would you mind reading this out?'

'Right now?' Dale asked, as Steve handed him a scrap of paper with something barely legible scribbled onto it.

'Yes,' said Steve. 'We're almost ready to start. Thank you, Dale.'

Dale walked towards the stage, trying to decipher the note as he went. By the time he was standing in front of the audience, he had most of it figured out, and began to read.

' "Ladies and gentlemen, for this afternoon's performance the part of Henry Miller will be played by…" '

He stared at the last part, thinking he must have made a mistake. Then he sensed a presence amongst the trees behind him, and he knew it was true. Well then, he thought, saying the last two words wasn't going to make it any worse.

'Fat Cat.'


	5. Chapter 5

_Chip and Dale__'__s Rescue Rangers: _**Old Flame, Old Habits**

Chapter 5

Dale saw no other option but to play his part as normal, even if it did mean acting opposite Fat Cat. It was tough. Fat Cat took up far too much space onstage, reeled off his lines robotically and drove Dale crazy with confusion.

'Mr Miller, please, nobody pays any attention to me!'

Alarmed as he was, Dale felt rather proud of his decision to deliver this line running around between Fat Cat's feet, trying to reach his front end to attract his attention.

'Why should they?' said Fat Cat. He gave nothing away as to what either he or his character was thinking and feeling.

They played through the rest of the scene, and then once they were offstage, Dale scuttled away from Fat Cat as fast as he could. He went looking for Steve, and soon found him peering at the audience from behind a jutting tree root.

'Steve!' said Dale.

'Hi, Dale,' said Steve. 'They don't seem to be enjoying the show as much as our first audience, do they? Do you think it's because of Fat Cat?'

'Yeah, I do,' said Dale. 'So… how do you, uh… know him?'

'Hmm? Oh, well, he's been very helpful with this whole production already - even found us the site. I had to get him for today at the last minute because Lawrence broke his collarbone or something, and his understudy is nowhere to be found. I haven't been able to find Alice either, and I'm beginning to worry about Clarice.'

'Me too,' said Dale. 'And why would Alice go anywhere? Didn't she say she'd always be on standby?'

'Well, I guess she didn't mean every second. You'd better go and get ready for your drag act now, Dale. Try and liven the audience up a tad, would you?'

Dale went to get changed, now feeling not only baffled, but also extremely worried. He could see nothing to do, however, except carry on with the show. If anything happened that he needed to act upon, then he would. Fat Cat was ruining the show anyway, besides which the absence of both Clarice and Alice threatened to bring the whole thing to a standstill.

All too soon, Dale was waiting in the wings to go on and perform his solo.

'Ladies and gentlemen,' said Fat Cat. 'Miss Frances Friar!'

Dale waited.

Fat Cat cleared his throat, and said more loudly, 'Miss Frances Friar!'

Still Dale didn't move. It would have been sensible to go on then, but he'd rehearsed the show so often, everything in him was telling him to play each scene as he normally would. So he got his push from Fat Cat, claws and all. He felt a sharp pain in his rear, the found himself hurtling onto the stage with no control over his body. He finally rolled to a stop just in front of one of the tables, and the orchestra started to play. Dale stood up, straightened his wig and began to sing.

'_I__'__ve got two wonderful arms,_

'_I__'__ve got two wonderful lips,_

'_I__'__m over twenty-one and I__'__m free__…_'

It was actually working out okay, he thought, in terms of the performance. Friar was supposed to look uncomfortable to start with, and Dale had recovered his wits by the time he had to be seen to gain confidence. He danced among the tables as before, and soon found himself wiggling his hips at Wart. Well, he thought, it wasn't as if he'd never done that before - and, like last time, Wart seemed genuinely interested in getting to know him better. He had apparently failed to realise that he was watching the same character who had recently disappointed Millie with his gender. Dale couldn't help feeling annoyed. If people were going to watch a show, he thought, why couldn't they at least understand it?

As he went through the rest of his routine, Dale began to realise that he was bleeding all over the seat of his skirt, so he tried to keep his back away from the audience as much as possible. When he reached the end of the song and lost his wig, he was grateful that the most demanding part of the show was over for him, but he knew there was still plenty to get through.

Dale crouched in the tree, bleeding, and waited for his cue. When it came, he crawled down again to inform Fat Cat that Adelaid Adams was in Chicago and wouldn't be caught dead in this town. Then finally he was able to go backstage, where he was surprised to be greeted by two young squirrels.

'Hi, Tammy,' he said. 'Hi, Bink. What are you guys doing here?'

'We came to see the show, of course,' said Tammy. 'Why didn't you tell us you were in a musical? We had to find out from a friend of Mom's.'

'I'm sorry,' said Dale. 'I didn't know you liked musicals.'

'Tammy, we're missing it,' said Bink.

'So what?' said Tammy. 'Who wants to watch Fat Cat? I'll bring you again next weekend when he's gone.' She looked at Dale. 'He _will_ be gone by then, right?'

'I hope so,' said Dale. 'I don't even get what he's doing here _now_!'

'Never mind,' said Tammy. 'First things first. You're bleeding. If you lift up your dress I'll patch it up for you. Is there some water around here?'

Dale took Tammy and Bink to where the cast and crew kept their drinking water, which was stored in tiny inkwells. Each bottle was labelled with somebody's name. Tammy found Dale's, climbed a tree to get some leaves, and finally began to clean up the wound to the accompaniment of Calamity Jane and Wild Bill Hickok singing a song called 'I Could Do Without You'.

'Look at that,' said Tammy. 'Right in your gluteus maximus.'

'My what now?' said Dale.

'Dale,' said Bink. 'I thought that song you did was great.'

'Thank you,' said Dale, beaming at her. 'I'll do it even better next weekend, when Fat Cat isn't distracting me. I just don't know what to - Clarice! Where have you been? What the heck is going on here?'

'Dale, I'm on in two minutes!' said Clarice, and she ran off.

'Who was that?' asked Bink.

'And why would she know what's going on?' asked Tammy.

'I can't explain,' said Dale. 'I don't understand it myself.'

'Okay, well,' said Tammy, 'do you need us to do anything for you? We could fetch Chip and the others if you'd like.'

'I don't know exactly where they are,' said Dale, 'and they're supposed to get here before the show finishes anyway. Maybe if you could keep an eye out for them…?'

'You got it,' said Tammy. 'Now, this looks about done. How does it feel?'

'Great,' Dale said, wagging his tail to test the patch-up job. 'It doesn't hurt at all. Thanks, Tammy.'

'No problem. Come on, Bink, let's go.'

They went, and Dale watched the performance from behind the trees. So did Fat Cat, several yards away. With nothing better to do, Dale decided to go over to him and see if he could find anything out.

'What's going on, Fat Cat?' he demanded.

'Do be quiet,' said Fat Cat. 'You'll break up everyone's rhythm.'

'I will not be quiet! Tell me what's going on around here. How did Clarice get involved with you?'

'Ah, Clarice. She does look tasty, but she has very little to do with me, I'm afraid. That's all Snout. When he saw her performing at my casino, he just _had_ to have her for his talent agency.'

This reply didn't make a lot of sense. Perhaps there had been some kind of clue in Fat Cat's words, Dale thought, and perhaps there hadn't. He decided to abandon that line of questioning, and cut to something more pressing.

'What have you done with the missing actors?'

'_I_ have done nothing,' said Fat Cat. 'But that is not to say nothing has been done. Now, it's almost intermission, isn't it? See you for our next scene.'

With that he went slinking off, and Dale followed him, but soon came back when he realised that Fat Cat was going for a comfort break. He had been hoping to witness a meeting with Mepps, Snout or Mole - or perhaps all three - but it seemed they were not in the vicinity. Dale went looking for Clarice, then realised it was time he changed out of the dress and wig, and back into the tweed jacket and bowler hat. When he'd done that, he resumed his search. He soon found Clarice, sitting on the softest part of an open compact and touching up her makeup in the mirror.

'Clarice,' he said. 'I want to talk to you about your agent.'

'If you're looking for representation,' said Clarice, 'you might be unlucky. He mostly seems to work with pretty girls, like me.'

'What about Fat Cat?'

'Fat Cat is a close, personal friend of Mr Snout, I believe.'

'Oh,' said Dale. 'A name at last. If you'd mentioned it before…'

Clarice sighed, put down her lipstick and said, 'If you must know, I was avoiding mentioning his name. I know you know him, but honestly, I don't see why whatever he does outside the agency should be any of my concern.'

'_What_?' said Dale. 'You_ know_? How? Wait a minute - let me get this straight. You were performing at the casino… and then what?'

'Then nothing. Mr Snout showed me his card, and things went on from there, really.'

'He had a _card_? Clarice…' Dale took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. 'You told Chip and me when you came to see us that you'd performed somewhere and got picked up by an agent, but you didn't say it was Fat Cat's casino because you must have found out he was a known villain. But if you didn't think it mattered, why were you so secretive about Snout representing you?'

'Because I knew you'd get like this! Not everything is about you and your precious little organisation, you know. I've been discovered for the beautiful and talented young performer that I am, and that's all there is to - Chip!'

Clarice leapt off the compact and straight into Chip's arms. The other Rescue Rangers were with him, of course, as well as Tammy and Bink. As soon as Chip had hold of Clarice, Tammy looked put out.

'Dale's being so mean to me!' Clarice said pathetically. '_You_ don't think I'm in league with the bad guys, do you, Chip?'

'I didn't say _that_!' said Dale.

'What's going on here?' asked Chip, gently pushing Clarice away.

'Yeah,' said Tammy, with hands on hips and brow furrowed. 'Spill it, sister!'

'I can't!' said Clarice, who was in tears by now. 'I'm on straight after intermission, and now I have to fix my makeup all over again! This is all your fault, Dale!'

'I'm not falling for the waterworks routine, Clarice,' said Dale, his arms folded and his expression severe. 'Not this time. I _don__'__t_ think you're one of the bad guys. I just think you're being duped by them, but I don't especially care. _Don__'__t_ let us help you, if that's what you want.'

'Clarice!' Steve appeared, looking panicked. 'For goodness' sake, woman, fix your makeup! You're on in two minutes!'

Clarice gasped, relinquished her iron grip on the lapels of Chip's jacket and bolted back to her compact.

'Golly, Dale,' said Gadget. 'That was harsh.'

'It only sounded like what she deserved,' said Tammy.

'You da man, Dale,' said Bink.

'No I'm not,' said Dale, his ears dropping. 'I'll apologise to her after the show.'

'Foxglove will have enjoyed it, mate,' said Monty, 'if she's still stalking you.'

'She's not,' said Dale. 'Not after all that. She, uh… tends to say what she means. Anyway, the guy playing Fat Cat's part and his understudy are missing. That makes sense, if Fat Cat wanted to be here, but I'm wondering if he has Alice as well. That's Clarice's understudy.' He cut off everyone's question before any of them could ask it. 'I guess we don't know for sure that he has her, but Steve couldn't find her, and she's supposed to be available for emergencies because she lives around here _and_ she's reallykeen. But anyway, look, Clarice is on in one minute and I'm on in four. I'd better get in position.'

'You're finishing the show, then,' said Chip.

'I have to stay with Fat Cat and Clarice,' said Dale. 'But maybe if two or three of you went to the factory to look for Alice and whoever else…?'

'Why don't Monty and Zipper and I do that?' said Gadget. 'It makes sense for Chip to stay with you and Clarice, Dale. For one thing, he seems to be her favourite now.'

'Good plan,' said Monty. 'We'll see you soon. Good luck, mates.'

Monty, Gadget and Zipper made their way to the Ranger Wing, while Chip hung back with Dale and the squirrels. Dale went and positioned himself for his next entrance. Chip stood between Tammy and Bink, not sure what to do next.

Tammy folded her arms, looked at Chip and said, 'Fickle much?'

'Oh,' Chip said awkwardly. 'Clarice is just an old friend.'

'Tammy, let's _go_!' said Bink. 'The show's starting again! There's a few spare seats, Chip, if you want.'

'Thanks, Bink,' said Chip, 'but I'd better stay back here so I can talk to Dale.'

Tammy and Bink headed back to their seats, disturbing various audience members on the way, while Chip continued to watch through the tree trunks. The first thing Dale had to do was be introduced to Katie, masquerading as Adelaid Adams. Fat Cat made the introduction, and Chip realised that his costume was in fact the pile of fabric that Mole, Mepps and Wart had carried into the office that day when he was snooping.

'Don't I know you from somewhere?' said Clarice.

'We, uh,' Dale said awkwardly, 'played Saint Louis the same week.'

'Oh,' said Clarice. Then her eyes widened in a moment of realisation. '_Oh_!'

Chip chuckled at this, just as he had the first time he'd seen the show. However he felt about Clarice, and whatever games she was playing, it seemed he could never fail to be struck by her various talents.

'At different theatres, of course,' said Dale.

'Oh,' said Clarice.

After that, Dale came to stand with Chip while the water vole playing Calamity sang a very long song about her experiences in Chicago. Both chipmunks watched, unable to think of anything to say. Dale didn't take the opportunity to apologise to Clarice, as he knew she'd be changing into her skimpy costume. The animal actors didn't mind changing clothes in front of each other, if indeed they wore clothes at all, but it seemed like good manners even so.

Dale had to be onstage for the scene in which Katie tried and failed to fool everyone into thinking she was Adelaid Adams. Before Clarice appeared, Dale ran up to Fat Cat to deliver his lines about if she was or if she wasn't, and having two fast horses waiting at the stage entrance.

'I'm not going anywhere,' Fat Cat said, fixing Dale with a hypnotic stare.

Chip expected Dale to come back after that, but it seemed he had more to do. When Clarice, as Katie, was preparing to go onstage, Dale sneaked up behind her and said, 'Go on out there - give 'em everything, Katie!'

'Katie!' said Clarice, in strangled tones. She acted it beautifully, Chip thought. Then Dale stayed onstage, among the bar patrons, during her performance.

Chip thought back, and remembered that Millie was supposed to stay too, but surely Fat Cat would take up too much space. Sure enough, he spent the scene offstage, but still in plain sight of the audience. Chip went over to him.

'Fat Cat!' he hissed. 'What's going on?'

'Ssh!' said Fat Cat. 'I'm acting.'

Chip didn't say anything else, if only to quell the dirty looks he was getting from Steve. Finally Dale came offstage, grabbed Chip's arm and pulled him a short distance away from the performance.

'He's just playing mind games,' Dale said. 'I don't think he's planning anything, at least until after the show.'

'But what's he planning for after the show?' asked Chip.

'I don't _know_!'

When the Ranger Wing touched down on the roof of the Happy Tom cat food factory, Monty, Gadget and Zipper at once saw Mepps outside the golden cat entrance. He had set himself up behind a small table, with a notebook and a pen in front of him. The three Rescue Rangers approached him.

'Names?' said Mepps.

'You should know our names by now, mate,' said Monty.

Mepps looked up, and frowned. 'Oh, it's you. I didn't know you were actors.'

The three Rangers all exchanged a look. Then Gadget said, 'Well golly, Mepps, we just thought we'd give it a try.'

'Are you going to let us in, then?' asked Monty.

'I don't know,' said Mepps. 'The boss might not like it. Are you _sure_ you're here to audition?'

'Positive,' said Monty. 'I've come to showcase my skills with the didgeridoo.'

Mepps looked at him for a moment. Then he said, 'This isn't that kind of agency.'

'It's a musical instrument,' said Gadget. 'You represent musicians, don't you?'

'Yeah,' said Mepps. 'And what do _you_ do?'

'Me?' said Gadget. 'Oh, well, I'm a budding thespian.'

Mepps's eyes widened. 'Oh!'

'And our fly pal here sings opera,' said Monty. 'Let us in, will you?'

'You still haven't told me your names.'

'Cheddar Gorge, Babs Warner and Andre Delambre,' said Monty.

'All right,' said Mepps, scribbling down the names. 'If you'd like to take a seat, Mr Snout will see you as soon as he can.'

The three Rangers traipsed inside, where they found an area of rodent-sized sofas and a matchbox coffee table.

'Golly,' said Gadget, sitting down. 'I haven't even prepared an audition piece. Well, I wouldn't have, would I? Still, I can always improvise, but you'll be stuck without a didgeridoo, Monty.'

'We're not really going to audition, Gadget, love,' said Monty.

'I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the idea,' said Gadget. 'It might be the best way to find out what's going on here.'

Just then Zipper buzzed to get their attention, and Monty and Gadget looked up to see a pretty young chipmunk emerging from the elevator to Fat Cat's office.

'Excuse me, love,' said Monty. 'Are you Alice?'

'Yes, I am,' the chipmunk said, as she sat down.

'We're friends of Dale,' Monty went on. 'You know him from _Calamity Jane_.'

'Of course I do,' said Alice. 'Well, it's very nice to meet you. I like Dale a lot.'

'You mean you've fallen in love with him too?' said Gadget.

'Not a bit of it,' said Alice. 'I just like him because he was nice to me when everyone else was being a jerk.'

'Is that why you're here?' asked Monty. 'You want to get off the show because of everyone being a jerk?'

'Oh, I don't mind staying with the show,' said Alice, 'but after all, I _am_ only an understudy. Mr Snout says I'm very talented, and he's sure he can find me a leading role.'

'Audition went well, then?' said Monty.

'Oh, yes, wonderfully,' said Alice. 'I sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", and Mr Snout said I had one of the best voices he'd ever heard. I'm supposed to wait here, and then go with a Mr Mole.'

'Oh, Alice, I don't think you should,' said Gadget. 'See, we're not really actors. We're Rescue Rangers, these guys are villains, and we've come to find out what they're up to. If you go with Mr Mole, you might never come back!'

'I'm sorry,' said Alice, 'but I'm sure you're mistaken. Mr Snout is a genuine agent. He found Clarice the role in _Calamity Jane_. Just imagine what he could do for me! Oh, excuse me. Mr Mole! I'm over here!' She waved.

'Now, hold on a minute, Alice,' said Monty. 'You have to understand -'

'Are you Alice?' said Mole, ambling over to the three rodents and squinting at them. Zipper decided to stay on the ceiling, so as not to cause confusion.

'Yes, Mr Mole,' said Alice.

'Come with me, please.' He looked at the two mice. 'Mr Snout will be with you as soon as he can.'

'Cheers, mate,' said Monty.

'So,' said Gadget, as Mole led Alice away. 'I guess we follow them.'


	6. Chapter 6

_Chip and Dale__'__s Rescue Rangers: _**Old Flame, Old Habits**

Chapter 6

It seemed to Chip that Dale had to be onstage, making no noticeable contribution to the show, for a long time. He exchanged a few words with Calamity towards the climax, then a few minutes later had to join with the entire cast for a double wedding and a group rendition of 'The Deadwood Stage'. Chip stood tapping his foot with impatience while this was going on. Immediately afterwards the cast all went off, and then returned one by one to take their bows. This too seemed to take a long time, and Fat Cat's sheer size made it difficult for everyone.

'Hello.' Steve appeared beside Chip, and began shaking his hand vigorously. 'I don't suppose you'd be interested in a small role, would you? I've mislaid both my Henry Millers, and I'm afraid Fat Cat just isn't suitable. He's been making everybody nervous. Some of the choruses sounded pitchy, and as for my Francis Friar, _where_ were his midline harmonies in that closing number?'

'Well,' said Chip, 'Dale has a lot on his mind right now.'

Steve scowled. 'I've _told_ him to keep his personal life at home!'

'Of course,' Chip went on hastily, 'he'd have been just fine if it wasn't for the cat. He, um… _is_ a known villain, you know. Fat Cat, I mean, not Dale. Rather a famous one, in fact.'

'Is he?' said Steve. 'I'm afraid I didn't know that. He's no actor, that's for sure, but he's helped with this production a lot so I don't care _what_ else he's done. He found us the perfect spot, don't you think?'

'Oh yes, it's very nice,' said Chip. 'So… just how involved is he?'

'Oh, very. He's going to support our group if this show's a success. Do you know whether Dale's planning on staying on? He clearly hasn't had much training, but he does have a flare for comedy that I would just love to work on with him.'

'I, uh, don't know,' said Chip. 'Look, about Fat Cat…'

'Clarice, darling! You were very late today.'

Chip turned and saw that Dale was bringing Clarice over, holding her by the elbow. Both were back in their regular clothes already, which made Chip think that Clarice must be willing to talk. If she wasn't, surely she wouldn't have let Dale find her after they'd got changed.

'Sorry, Steve,' said Clarice.

'Well, just don't let it happen again,' Steve said, glancing round at his other cast members. 'Well, bye.'

He wandered off, leaving the three chipmunks together.

'All right, Clarice,' said Chip. 'The time has come. Tell us everything you know.'

'I don't know anything,' said Clarice. 'And I mean I _really_ don't. All I know is that Mr Snout is running the agency, and apparently this Fat Cat guy is helping him.'

'Fat Cat's more than just helping,' said Chip. 'We can be sure of that.'

'This whole thing is completely crazy,' said Dale. 'Nobody tells anybody what's going on around here! Clarice, tell us _exactly_ what happened at the casino.'

'I told -'

'Everything, please, Clarice,' Dale said. 'Word for word.'

Clarice frowned. 'I don't remember it word for word. But… well, the truth is, a lizard or something… oh, there he is!'

Chip and Dale looked, and saw that Wart was circulating among the audience, handing out cards. They exchanged anxious glances. Whatever this was, apparently it was planned to be a large-scale operation.

'Anyway,' Clarice went on, 'the truth is, he took me to one side because he thought I might have been one of you guys in disguise.'

'Really?' said Dale. 'Our disguises were _that _good?'

'Never mind that,' said Chip. 'What did you say to that, Clarice?'

'Naturally I got very upset that someone was accusing me of being a man. Then I asked this lizard why he thought male chipmunks would be disguising themselves as women and singing in a casino, and when I figured out who he was talking about I mentioned your names, and he asked whether I knew you, so of course I told him I did. Well, how was I to know he was your enemy? I didn't know for sure until you mentioned it, Dale.'

'But you suspected,' said Dale. 'Why was that?'

'When I was taken to see Mr Snout,' said Clarice, 'he told me not to mention him to you guys. He said something about it being awkward with you two since you did your drag act to try and get him to… oh, I can't even remember.'

Dale looked at Chip. 'I wonder what he said we wanted him to do.'

'It doesn't matter,' said Chip. 'Clarice, who took you to see Mr… who took you to see Snout?'

'Fat Cat,' said Clarice, looking at her feet.

'So,' said Chip, 'he overheard, briefed Snout and then came to fetch you, I guess. I bet he wasn't planning this agency thing all along - that would be some coincidence.'

'You don't know what you're talking about,' said Clarice. 'Why would Mr Snout and his colleagues put so much effort into getting this production together if they weren't a genuine talent agency?'

'I don't know,' said Dale. 'That's what we have to find out.'

'And you have to stay away from them, Clarice,' said Chip. 'They obviously want to get to us through you.'

'Oh, that is so egotistical!' said Clarice, folding her arms and turning her back to him. 'It couldn't _possibly_ be because of my talent, of course!'

'Sure it could,' said Dale, 'if they were really running a talent agency.'

'I don't see Fat Cat,' Chip said suddenly. 'Darn it - we should have kept an eye on him! Where's he snuck off to?'

'Look, Chip,' said Dale. 'Here comes the Ranger Wing.'

Moments later, the Ranger Wing alighted in front of them. Gadget was piloting, and she was alone.

'Hi, guys,' she said. 'Did you find out anything?'

Chip took a moment to think over everything Clarice had just told them. Then he said, 'No, not really.'

'Well,' said Gadget, 'we've managed to turn up a few things at Mr Snout's office. It's not much, but there are quite a lot of rodent actors at the factory, and we've managed to hear a few things. Everyone's fine for the time being, but we need to get over there. I've left Monty and Zipper with them, just in case anything happens.'

'Great!' said Dale. 'Then let's go.'

'Hold on a minute,' said Chip. 'Gadget, would you like to tell Clarice what's going on? She doesn't believe this is all just a very elaborate evil scheme.'

'Clarice?' said Gadget, standing up and looking out over the side of the aircraft. 'But Chip, she isn't here.'

Chip turned round, saw that Clarice had gone, and slapped his forehead.

'Oh,' he said, '_why_ can't I keep my eyes on people today?'

'We couldn't have kept her here anyway, Chipper,' said Dale. 'Not if she really wanted to go. Come on.' He jumped up onto the Ranger Wing. 'We have to get to that factory _now_.'

Gadget took them straight to Monty, who was in one of the factory's storerooms with a lot of cardboard boxes. He was also with Alice, Mole and a few other small mammals, while Zipper was on a wall keeping an eye on proceedings. Monty, to his friends' surprise, was reading Shakespeare.

'I do not think thou canst,' he said robotically, squinting at the sheet of paper in his hand, 'for then thou wast not out three years old.'

'Certainly, sir, I can,' said Alice, in a passable English accent.

'Not bad, Alice,' said Dale.

Alice turned round in surprise, then smiled at him. 'Dale! Hi! Have you come to audition for _The Tempest_ as well?'

'Can we please concentrate?' said Mole. 'You're being very unprofessional.'

'But we don't even use money!' said Chip. 'I can't understand what Fat Cat thinks he has to gain from all this. Have you been able to learn anything since Gadget left, Monterey?'

'Only that these guys are planning a production of this Shakespeare thing in just over a month's time,' said Monty.

'One month?' said Gadget. 'Golly, this theatre group sure has a quick turnaround.'

'I'll say,' said Dale. 'Who can learn all that Shakespeare in a month?'

'_I_ can,' said Alice.

'Alice, these guys are evil,' said Dale. 'You have to leave.'

'And I thought you were _nice_,' said Alice, pouting prettily.

'We're wasting our time down here,' said Chip. 'It looks like these guys are going to be safe enough to learn lines for a month, so it's probably okay to leave them alone for a while. We need to find Fat Cat.'

Chip, Dale and Gadget turned to go. Zipper followed them. Monty dropped his script and did the same.

'Hey!' Alice called after him. 'Who's going to read Prospero now?'

'I'll do it!' a male voice said.

'That sounded like Anthony,' said Dale.

'Who's…? Oh, never mind!' said Chip. 'We don't need to keep hearing about your theatre buddies, Dale.'

'Aww, Chipper,' said Dale. 'You're just jealous 'cos you think I like them more than you. But I don't,' and he embraced Chip tightly as they continued to walk along.

'Get off me,' said Chip, batting him away. 'I don't care about these stupid actors. Well… only enough to save their lives. That Alice woman is so single-minded, she won't even _consider_ the possibility that she's being tricked! But anyway, what do we think has happened to Clarice? Fat Cat didn't take her - we'd have noticed _that_.'

'Oh, that's right,' Gadget said to Monty and Zipper. 'We didn't tell you, did we? Clarice ran off somewhere because… well, actually, that's all I know.'

'We'd just tried to explain to her that Snout and Fat Cat are evil,' said Chip. 'Now the question is whether she listened or -'

'Chip!'

Dale grabbed Chip's sleeve and gave it a yank. Chip looked at him, and then looked up to where he was pointing, several feet above some kind of meat mincing device. Suspended above this, by a length of string, was Clarice.

Monty frowned. 'I _knew_ this was going to happen.'

'I do not want to hear you saying "I told you so"!' Clarice shouted down.

'We wouldn't dream of it!' Chip shouted back to her. 'Hold on - we'll get you down from there!'

He looked around. So did Dale. There was a mezzanine floor above them, on about the level at which Clarice was dangling. The two chipmunks ran for one of the stilts supporting it. Chip, who was just ahead of Dale, was about to start climbing when Fat Cat's voice reached him from above.

'Not so fast, Rescue Rangers.'

Chip and Dale looked at each other, and silently agreed not to make a move just yet. Both stepped back, just enough to be able to look up and see Fat Cat leaning over the half-wall above them.

'Let her go, Fat Cat!' said Dale, shaking his tiny fist in the air.

'Your quarrel's with us!' added Chip.

'How right you are.' Fat Cat jumped up onto the narrow wall and began stalking along it, back and forth. 'Imagine my joy when I learned that this tasty little morsel had a special place in the hearts of two of my sworn enemies.'

'So was this all about us?' said Dale. 'You helped Steve put on his production, and you've got Mole down there auditioning rodents for a Shakespeare play, just to get to us through Clarice?'

'Not at all,' said Fat Cat. 'Of course, I wasn't going to waste an opportunity to do away with you. As for the rest, this young lady's acting credentials - and her unwavering belief that she was an undiscovered gem - gave me the idea. _So_ many egotistical young actors out there, not to mention embittered old has-beens, just waiting to be taken advantage of. Now, Rescue Rangers, the time has come to -'

'What are you planning to do with them?' asked Chip.

'Never you mind,' said Fat Cat. 'I'm not going to start blabbing my plans to you vermin like some idiotic Bond villain.'

'There you are, boss. Snout told me to bring you this.' Mepps appeared behind Fat Cat, swaying under the weight of a large, stiff piece of card held high enough for the Rangers to see, in bold letters:

_DINNER AND A SHOW!_

_Come along and work up an appetite watching your evening meal perform__…_

'Put that down, you idiot!' said Fat Cat, slapping the piece of card out of sight, and Mepps with it.

'Sorry, boss,' whined Mepps, from underneath the poster. 'Snout just got the artwork back from the design people, so I thought you'd like to see -'

'I don't give a dog's digestive tract about the artwork!'

'You should,' said Clarice. 'If you don't make an eye-catching poster, no one will even bother to read it, no matter how great the show sounds. Speaking of which, I thought _Calamity Jane_ was very poorly advertised. We've been lucky to have the audience sizes we did.'

'That isn't my department,' said Fat Cat. 'I don't care how many rodents come to watch the show. That was just a little practice, _and_ a means of getting Mr Snout's talent agency off the ground. After all, we need to appear trustworthy, or this will be a very short-lived scheme. Oh, and speaking of short-lived… Wart!'

Wart crawled out of a hole in the skirting board, went over to the mincing machine and pressed a big red button. The machine started up, and Clarice began to be lowered towards it. She screamed. Chip and Dale began running up the stilt towards the mezzanine.

'Hold it!' said Fat Cat.

Wart pushed the button again. The machine stopped. Clarice fell silent, her eyes wide with terror as she swung above the machine. Chip and Dale stopped moving.

'Ah, Snout, there you are,' said Fat Cat. 'If you're here about the artwork, I couldn't be less interested. Get down there with Mepps, and restrain those mice and the fly.'

Neither Mepps nor Snout felt confident about restraining a fly, but they did as Fat Cat said, as far as they could. Snout jumped onto the mezzanine, lowered himself down by his tail and then scurried down a free stilt. Mepps jumped all the way down to the floor below, executed a perfect four-paw landing and then approached Monty, Zipper and Gadget. He grabbed Monty and pinned his arms behind his back, while Snout took Gadget. Chip and Dale, still clutching their stilt, exchanged looks of despair.

'Tie them up, you fools!' shouted Fat Cat.

'What with, boss?' asked Mepps.

'Oh, for…'

Fat Cat wandered off, and Chip and Dale began running up the stilt. When they were perched on the half-wall, Wart's voice reached them from below.

'Not so fast, little pests!' he called. 'I'm still standing by my button, remember.'

Chip and Dale didn't know what to do, but Gadget, Monty and Zipper were all looking around for inspiration. It was Zipper who first spotted the key to their escape, so he pointed it out to Monty, knowing that no one else could understand him. Monty nodded, then nudged Gadget with his foot and tried to point it out to her. He wasn't sure he had succeeded, as he didn't dare give more than the slightest nod in its vague direction. He was sure that Fat Cat and his gang had failed to take the thing into account, and so the Rangers' using it depended on their enemies not spotting it.

All too soon, Fat Cat returned. He was carrying a ball of string, which he tossed down to Mepps and Snout. They began tying Gadget and Monty up together, back to back, but Zipper flew up to the ceiling and stayed crouched in a corner.

'Boss!' called Snout. 'The fly's on the ceiling.'

Fat Cat looked down at his two minions, and then up towards where they were pointing. Zipper had chosen a corner that the mezzanine did not reach, and so even Fat Cat wasn't sure what to do with him.

'Well,' he said at length, 'what can he do from up there? If he tries anything, we'll deal with him then. I must remember to keep some fly spray about my person. But what have we to worry about? Their position is hopeless. If I can _finally_ get to the point now…?'

No one spoke.

'Good. All right, Rescue Rangers, here are my terms. You two are going to come here, and I am going to take you somewhere with your little mouse friends.'

'What about Zipper?' asked Dale.

Fat Cat scowled at him. 'If you mean the fly, I'll deal with him later. He'd be very foolish to try anything, and besides, what can he do? I think you're all going to cooperate beautifully. When I've put you somewhere, I'll allow you to watch your little girlfriend walk away. Then whatever happens, happens. Mepps, shut that door, please, just in case they _are_ thinking of trying to escape.'

Chip and Dale turned to each other, and began to converse at such a speed that no one but Clarice could understand them.

'We'll have to do as he says,' said Dale. 'We've gotten out of being made into cat food before, but Clarice hasn't.'

'I'd agree with you,' said Chip, 'only we know they won't let her go.'

'How do we know that?'

'Because she knows Fat Cat's evil. She can tell everyone what he's planning, and they'll stop wanting to be in his plays… if they've got any sense.'

'Stop making that irritating noise!' said Fat Cat. 'What's it to be, Rescue Rangers?'

Chip and Dale looked at him, then at Zipper, who was buzzing something at them.

'Mates!' called Monty. 'Don't give yourselves up! It's no life for Clarice without you!'

Clarice stared at him, turning her head whenever she swung away from him. '_What_?'

'That's right!' called Gadget. 'Remember _Romeo and Juliet_! If one of you goes, all three of you go!'

'Romeo and Juliet?' said Fat Cat. 'These three aren't a couple!'

'Or maybe they are,' Snout said quietly.

'Sorry,' said Gadget. 'I couldn't think of a more suitable comparison on the spur of the moment. Our point is, Fat Cat, we know exactly what they're going to do. Chip and Dale will get on that string with Clarice and darn well let you mince them all up together! Better that than being apart. Right, guys?'

Chip and Dale exchanged glances. Apparently they hadn't been getting the subtleties of what Monty and Gadget were saying, but now it was all too clear what they wanted. The two chipmunks began speed-talking again.

'We're just going to have to trust them,' said Chip.

'Absolutely,' said Dale.

'Are you _crazy_?' shrieked Clarice.

'Yes we are!' Dale yelled madly, sounding for all the world like someone who was about to participate in a mass suicide.

Dale jumped. Chip followed. Clarice screamed again as they wrapped their limbs around her, and each other. The three chipmunks swung eight feet above the lethal blades of the mincing machine. A few times, the momentum took them just out of range, but not for long. Fat Cat waited until he saw no chance of them falling short of his target.

'Very well then,' he said. He sounded suspicious, understandably, and must have decided not to waste time. He leaned out, produced an enormous pair of sharp scissors from about is person and readied them to cut the string.

'Wart!' called Fat Cat. 'Now!'


	7. Chapter 7

_Chip and Dale__'__s Rescue Rangers: _**Old Flame, Old Habits**

Chapter 7

The moment the string was cut, both Chip and Dale realised they should have started gnawing through Clarice's bonds the moment they landed on her. Even if the three of them were not about to be minced after all, she'd have to get out of the machine as quickly as possible, so the two started chomping in the fraction of a second that they were falling towards the spinning blades. Then they landed, and suddenly the blades were no longer spinning.

Clarice's bonds were cut through. Then Chip yelled, 'Out, out, _out_!' and all three chipmunks jumped for it. They all reached the lip of the device, and grabbed onto it.

'Okay,' said Dale, as he scrambled over the edge and dropped down on the other side. 'What happened?'

'Yeah,' said Wart, staring at his big red button. 'What happened?'

'It was the fly!' yelled Fat Cat. 'He pushed the emergency stop button!'

'But the emergency stop button's with me,' said Wart.

'Not that emergency stop button, you imbecile! The one that overrides every piece of machinery in the room!'

Everyone began looking around frantically, bar Gadget, Monty and of course Zipper. It seemed even Fat Cat's minions didn't even know where the overriding emergency stop button was. Within seconds, everyone had spotted Zipper, hovering proudly by the big red circle on the wall.

'Remind me later to disconnect all of those infernal things,' said Fat Cat.

'Golly, Fat Cat,' said Gadget, 'you mustn't do that! Those buttons are a fundamental piece of safety equipment! Just imagine if _you_ got caught in a piece of machinery.'

'If that happened,' said Fat Cat, 'my men would be too stupid to press the emergency stop button anyway. Don't just stand there, you three! Capture those two chipmunks, _and_ the fly, and recapture the girl!'

Clarice shrieked and ducked behind Chip and Dale, who both spread their arms to shield her from the advancing Mepps, Wart and Snout.

'You won't touch her again!' said Chip.

'Yeah!' said Dale. 'Back off, or we'll kick your butts!'

'Personally,' said Fat Cat, 'I don't understand what you two see in her. From all I've been able to find out, she seems like a shallow, conniving little witch.'

'She may be a shallow, conniving little witch,' said Dale, 'but she's _our_ shallow, conniving little witch!'

'Yeah!' said Chip.

'Thanks, you guys,' said Clarice.

Zipper, meanwhile, had flown over to Gadget and Monty and was helping them to loosen their bonds.

'In a moment,' Chip said, very quickly and very quietly, 'we're going to run. You two go and get the others out of here, and stay together.'

'Are you sure you want us to do _that_, Chip?' said Clarice, and she pushed her body up against both of them. They turned and gave her the same wearied look.

'Clarice, please, not now,' said Chip.

'Oh… sorry,' said Clarice.

'Grab them, you fools!' Fat Cat shouted from the mezzanine.

'Now!' said Chip.

The three chipmunks scattered, running as fast as they could on all fours. Mepps reacted first and went after Dale. Then Snout shot off after Clarice. Wart didn't seem to realise what was happening, and stayed still. Monty ran into Snout's path, and stood before him with clenched fists. Dale turned abruptly, causing Mepps to crash into a wall, and ran to Clarice. When he reached her, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards the closed door. Fat Cat pounced from the mezzanine, trying to catch them, but he missed by a whisker. Dale urged Clarice to squeeze under the door, and then went through himself.

'I am surrounded by incompetents!' yelled Fat Cat.

'You didn't know that already?' said Chip.

'Wart! Snout!' said Fat Cat. 'Those two chipmunks must have gone to save the other actors from Mole's auditions for _The Tempest_. Go and stop them!'

'What should _I _do, boss?' asked Mepps.

'Shut up and help me catch these Rescue Rangers, you insufferable idiot!'

Zipper quickly flew out of the small gap in a high window. Chip and Gadget ran for the door, beat Mepps to it and squeezed underneath. Monty knew he wasn't going to fit, so he ran for Wart's hole in the skirting board with Fat Cat hot on his heels.

Chip and Gadget made their way down towards the storeroom where they had left Mole and his actors. They arrived just in time to see the entire group of rodents running past, over and under Wart and Mepps, while Mole hung back shouting, 'Wait! We haven't cast Ariel yet!'

'They believe you now, then,' said Chip, grabbing Dale on his way past.

'They decided to believe Clarice,' said Dale. 'I guess even she wouldn't lie about being suspended over a mincing machine.'

'Are you feeling badly towards her, Dale?' asked Gadget.

'Of course not, Gadget,' said Dale. 'Chipper, I'm taking them to one of the human exits. We don't want to have to pass Fat Cat, and anyway, it's no good taking them all to the Ranger Wing.'

'All right,' said Chip. 'We'll meet you on the ground.'

'You go with them, Chip,' said Gadget. 'There'll be less chance of attracting attention if I make my way up alone.'

'Besides,' said Clarice, appearing beside Chip and grabbing his arm, 'I'll want both my big strong boys with me, won't I?'

'Yes, Clarice, I'm sure you will,' said Chip. 'All right, Gadget. See you soon.'

Gadget turned and began heading upwards while Chip, Dale and the actors made their way down to the tradesmen's entrance.

'So,' Alice said to Dale, as they walked, 'you have an aircraft up there?'

'Yep,' said Dale.

'Did any of the bad guys go up and sabotage it?'

'Um… I don't think so.'

'That's what I'd do if I was one of them.'

'Well,' said Dale, 'in that case, please don't start working for Fat Cat. We like his minions the way they are: stupid. You just stick with acting and singing. Are you, uh… _very_ disappointed about Mr Snout being evil?'

'We all are,' said Alice. 'But I just have to keep believing my chance will come, and if it doesn't… well, I don't have to be famous to enjoy performing, do I? So… what happens to _Calamity Jane _now?'

'It keeps going, I hope,' said Dale. 'Why wouldn't it? It was a hit on opening night, and everyone who was working on it is still alive and everything. We have to stick to our six weeks like we promised. I guess Steve'll be mad at everyone who disappeared today, but… well, that's just too bad.'

'Are you going to keep on performing after we finish?' asked Alice. 'Clarice said you might not, but I was thinking, maybe you and me and her should get together. There's a gap in the market just wide open for a mixed gender chipmunk trio, you know.'

'I know,' said Dale, 'and no thanks. But who needs me? I'm sure you and Clarice could find a zillion guy chipmunk singers who'd be willing to follow you anywhere.'

Chip and Dale were relieved to find the Ranger Wing waiting for them at the front of the building, and all three of their friends intact, bar a scratch on Monty's rear.

'Look, Monterey,' said Dale, waggling his own cat scratch at Monty. 'We match!'

Both Chip and Dale insisted that Clarice accept a ride in the Ranger Wing, and the others backed them up, sensing that the two chipmunks were keen to resolve whatever had been brought on by their blast from the past. Clarice was silent all the way back to Rescue Rangers headquarters. Then, when the Ranger Wing had touched down on the landing pad, she began to slink away.

'Clarice, wait,' said Chip. 'Come inside. You must be thirsty after all that.'

'I don't know if I should,' said Clarice.

'Of course you should, love,' said Monty. 'It's only polite, since you've been asked.'

'Come on, Clarice,' said Dale. 'You know you're always welcome here.'

Clarice didn't move, or say anything, so Chip put his hand on her back and led her inside. The other Rangers followed, with Dale bringing up the rear. He stopped, however, when he heard a fluttering of wings and then a voice behind him.

'Hi, cutie.'

'Oh, hi,' he said, turning to face his visitor, and then looking over her shoulder expectantly. 'Is Liddy with you?'

'No,' said Foxglove. 'We're not joined at the hip, you know.'

'Oh, you're not?'

She laughed. 'No. She didn't want to come with me to ask you how this afternoon's performance went. Actually, she told me I shouldn't come myself either. She said that men resent it when women try to keep track of their every move.'

'Is that why it's better to keep track of them without them knowing it?'

'Oh… perhaps I'd better go.'

'What? No, don't.' Dale reached out and touched her shoulder as she began to turn away. 'I was just kidding. I honestly don't mind about the stalking. I mean, I'd rather you didn't do it again, but… you know.'

'Oh, I won't do it again,' said Foxglove. 'Liddy told me I don't have to listen to everything she says, so I'm not going to.'

'Sounds sensible,' said Dale. 'Anyway, I'm glad you didn't listen to her tonight. I'm really happy to see you, Foxy.'

Her face lit up. 'You are?'

'Sure.'

'I'm happy to see you too, cutie. Always!' cried Foxglove, and she flung her wings around his neck.

'You really mean that, don't you?' Dale said.

'Of course I do,' said Foxglove. 'I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.'

'No, I guess you wouldn't. Would you like to come in? I'm going to have to have a little conversation with Clarice, but after that I'll tell you how the performance went, if you really want to hear about it. It's kind of a long story.'

'I _love_ your stories!' said Foxglove. 'And I love your voice too.'

'My voice?'

'Yeah. I mean… I guess it is _kind of_ unusual, but don't ever let anybody tell you it's weird, or it sounds like you're putting on a phoney accent or anything.'

'Okay, I won't,' said Dale, who had forgotten all about any aspersions that might have been cast upon his voice. 'Come on, let's go in.'

'What I'd really like,' said Chip, as he stirred a thimble of steaming tea, 'is for you to fill in one or two gaps. First of all, did you decide to go to the factory tonight, or did you get kidnapped or something?'

Clarice was sitting at the table, looking down at her hands. When Chip handed her the tea, she looked at that instead.

'Oh, I went of my own accord,' she said. 'Even though I kind of knew… I guess I just kept kidding myself that it was all for real.'

'That's understandable,' said Chip, sitting down opposite her. 'But maybe next time you'll listen to us.'

'There won't be a next time,' said Clarice.

'Now, why don't I like the sound of that?'

'I think it's better if I leave, don't you?'

Dale arrived just in time to hear her say this, and he came charging over to the table with, 'You are _not_ quitting _Calamity Jane_!'

'It'll be fine,' said Clarice. 'Alice can play the part.'

'Of course she can,' said Dale, 'but what about you? Clarice, you're a performer. You're going to have to get used to having issues with you co-stars. Not that any of this is an issue for me, or anyone else… probably. But if it is for you, then just _suck it up_! What have you been working for all your life? If you walk out on a good, successful production with nowhere else to go, then you'll just put yourself right back where you started!'

'He's right, Clarice,' said Chip. 'Whatever you've done tonight, or before that, or whatever you made Dale or me think you _might_ do and then didn't… that's in the past. You have to think about your future.'

'Oh, darn the both of you,' said Clarice. 'You're right.'

'Your Alice friend won't thank us for this, Dale,' said Chip.

'She won't know this conversation ever happened,' said Clarice. 'So, Chip, any more gaps you want filling in?'

'Well,' said Chip, 'there's one thing still bothering me, but you won't know anything about it. I'm not sure I completely understand Fat Cat's plan. Surely that would only work once. Don't get me wrong - once would have cost a lot of actors their lives, and thank goodness we stopped it - but from Fat Cat's point of view, it couldn't have been very lucrative.'

'Maybe he had a way to keep it going,' said Clarice. 'He said he'd been working on _Calamity Jane_ to make people trust him, didn't he? Maybe he would have run a few genuine productions as well, and kept it up until people realised his actors were disappearing and stopped wanting to work with him.'

'Yeah, maybe,' said Chip, wondering if Clarice knew just a little bit more than she was letting on, but he had no desire to pursue the matter.

'I still think it was mostly about getting to us through you, Clarice,' said Dale.

'Perhaps it was,' said Clarice. She brought her elbow onto the table, put her chin in her hand and leaned towards them both. 'And you did absolutely everything to save me, didn't you? You guys really are heroes. But I must admit, you had me going for a minute there. I thought maybe you'd fallen _so_ much in love with me, you really did want us all to be minced up and spend eternity together in death.'

'We'd have only ended up going through a cat's digestive system,' said Dale. 'I don't think either of us ever felt _that _strongly about you, Clarice. But anyway, look, I have to go - I have a guest.'

'Oh.' Clarice sat up, put her hand on her thimble and leaned back in her teacup chair. 'Please yourself. I'll see you for Monday night's performance.'

'Count on it,' said Dale. 'All I really wanted to do in the first place was dress up like a girl and sing "Hive Full of Honey".'

Tammy did take Bink to the following weekend's performance, as promised, and the sisters also joined the Rescue Rangers, Foxglove and Liddy a month later to watch the final show. It was a cool, clear and well lit Monday evening at the end of summer. The animals could feel the autumn about to set in, and each was determined to enjoy her or himself that night, before the temperature began to drop.

'Look, Chipper,' said Dale, as he met his friends with one arm around Clarice and the other around Alice. 'All our favourite girls are here.'

'Hurry or you'll miss that last table,' said Alice.

It so happened that a bit of luck had come her way when the shrew playing Adelaid Adams had received a better offer, and left the show in a hurry. Alice had taken over the part, meaning that she had one scene in which she sang the short version of 'It's Harry I'm Planning to Marry', said a few disparaging things to Clarice's character and then left for Europe.

Monty, Zipper, Liddy and Bink all made a beeline for the last free audience table. Bink was particularly excited to see Dale's drag act up close, as she and Tammy had sat in the tiered seats before. Chip hung back to offer a few words of encouragement to Dale and Clarice (and to Alice, as she was there), while Foxglove, Tammy and Gadget walked over to the table at a more leisurely pace.

'I don't understand what Chip sees in that Clarice,' said Tammy.

'Not that much, I think,' said Gadget. 'At least not anymore.'

'Good,' Tammy said, with a nod of approval. 'Still, there'd be no need to try and prove I'm as good as _her_, even if I didn't know that being Tammy was special enough. I mean, it's not contributing much to the world, is it? Getting up onstage and singing just because you want people to look at you. At least Dale really cares about entertaining the audience.'

'I think Clarice cares about that too,' said Foxglove.

'Well, what if she does? I have much bigger and better dreams than hers. By the way, Foxglove.' Tammy had met Foxglove only that afternoon, at which time she had quickly formed her own picture of the bat's relationship with the Rangers, and with Dale in particular. 'How's Dale's hiney?'

'Um,' said Foxglove. 'Well, it's very nice.'

'I mean, has it healed?'

'Oh. Yes, I think so.'

When everyone was settled, Chip found himself sitting between Tammy and Gadget, and for a moment he thought he'd rather be sitting on Gadget's other side. Then he realised that, sandwiched between two females, he was probably safe from being fondled by Dale during his solo. It might keep Clarice out of his way as well, but maybe not. He was still one of the men wearing a hat, after all. Then, when he thought about it a little more, Chip realised that he didn't mind either way whether Clarice paid him any attention during her solo.

Foxglove joined Liddy on the underside of a tree branch, just as before. They had to be a little further away from the rest of their party this time, as they were sitting at a different table, but no one gave this any thought - except perhaps Chip, who hadn't appreciated Liddy cheering and yelling directly above his ears the last time. All in all, he thought, this arrangement was much better.

The show was better too. It was much the same as when Tammy and Bink had first seen the Fat Cat-free version, although they did have better seats this time. Since the Rangers had gone on opening night, any small creases had been ironed out of the performance, so the show ran more smoothly.

The original Henry Miller was back (it turned out he really had broken his collarbone). He and Dale played their scenes very much as they had the first time, and any differences to Dale's song and dance came from the audience. He managed to incorporate Bink into the routine by sliding her off Monty's lap and onto Tammy's, then taking her place and fingering Monty's face with the line, '_You__'__ll love the way I fit on your knee._' Bink enjoyed this immensely, and Monty laughed too. Chip, meanwhile, was perfectly safe. Dale danced his way to the other side of the audience, and somebody else was treated to his shimmy and booty-shake.

When Alice appeared and sang her solo, Chip, Monty, Zipper and Gadget all clapped and cheered at ridiculous volume. They hardly knew her, and yet they found themselves caring about her career. They all thought she sang the song beautifully, and her lines with Clarice were good too. It was too bad, Chip thought, that Adelaid Adams had nothing in the way of character development, emotion, humour or even redeeming qualities. Still, she was another rung on the ladder for Alice.

During 'Keep It Under Your Hat', Clarice did indeed lean across the table and push Chip's fedora onto his muzzle. He calmly and composedly replaced it on his head, then enjoyed the rest of the show. At the end, when the cast was all onstage and had just finished taking their bows, Steve came to stand at the front and waited for the applause to die down.

'Ladies and gentlemen,' he said. 'Thank you, thank you. As you are no doubt aware, this will be our last performance here.'

'Awwwwww,' said everyone, including Chip, who had been caught up in the spirit of the thing ever since Dale danced away from him.

'I know, I know,' said Steve, wiping away an imaginary tear. 'But I am delighted to announce that, following the overwhelmingly positive response to our little show, we're going to be taking it on the road. We'll be heading west in one week, and… well, stopping wherever they'll have us. Ha! Um… in that time, we hope to have replaced the cast members who will, sadly, be leaving us. Everyone, please give a big hand to the wonderful actors for whom this was their last performance: Richard, Dale and Anthony!'

Dale stepped forward with a handsome young mouse and a middle-aged squirrel, and each received a bunch of daisies from one of the three female cast members. Richard was instantly recognisable as Clarice's love interest, and he received his flowers from Calamity Jane herself. Dale received his from Clarice, which left Anthony for Alice. Chip remembered hearing Anthony's name in the cat food factory all those weeks ago, but he hadn't been aware of him in the show at all. When he consulted the others about it afterwards, they all said they hadn't noticed him either.

They stayed at their table, where they were joined by Foxglove and Liddy, and waited for Dale. He spent a long time backstage, surely saying his goodbyes to his friends and companions of the past several weeks. Then at last he arrived, still clutching his daisies.

'Great show, Dale,' said Gadget, and Zipper buzzed his agreement.

'They'll never find another Francis Friar like you, mate,' said Monty.

'So Clarice is leaving in a week?' said Liddy.

'Yes,' said Dale.

'How do you guys feel about that?' asked Gadget.

'Fine,' said Chip. 'And… kind of relieved.'

'I'm happy for her,' said Dale. 'A touring musical is just what she wanted. I'm sort of hoping that Emma will get a better offer soon, and then Clarice will be promoted to Calamity and Alice will be promoted to Katie.'

No one needed to bother asking who Emma was.

'Who did Anthony play?' asked Chip.

'Indian Number Three,' said Dale.

'Okay,' said Bink. '_I _have a question. Why did that Richard guy give up his part?'

'Because he thought it wasn't good enough,' said Dale. 'He didn't get to sing.'

'It's better than nothing,' said Bink.

'That's right, Bink,' said Tammy. 'Actors are the _worst_ egomaniacs.'

'Of course,' said Dale, giving Bink a cross-eyed look, 'the show will really suffer without _me_.'

Bink laughed.

'How did you like it, Foxy?' asked Dale.

'I thought it was wonderful,' said Foxglove.

'In that case,' said Dale, 'you can have my daisies.'

He handed them to her with a smile, and she took them with a wide-eyed look and a whispered, 'Thank you!' Dale, to his own surprise, felt himself moved by the certain knowledge that she meant it.

THE END


End file.
